Jots and Tittles

So, I was running to the Weber building before Goddess Religions today so that I could print off the review sheets for the final, which we were supposed to go over during class (we didn't; I was mad).  Apparently, however, I had not zipped up my backpack all the way, and it was hanging open.  As I walked, I felt my laptop slip into an increasingly awkward and uncomfortable angle, and when I began to take my backpack off, the unthinkable happened - my laptop slipped out and before I could register what happened, it crashed to the sidewalk in the middle of the Oval.  It seemed to happen in slow motion, the laptop slipping out, its corner hitting the sidewalk, the lid coming open, the aftermath of my poor computer sitting forlornly on the pavement, its lid half-open as though gasping for breath.  I knew that ThinkPads are supposed to be tough, but I was still afraid that I had just ruined a new laptop and would be faced with the incredibly awkward situation of explaining to my parents why I needed either extensive repairs on my computer or a new machine altogether.  Still, I was running late to class, so I scooped it up and shoved it back in my backpack, assuming I'd find out when I got to class whether it still worked.

I printed off my pages and made it to class with just minutes to spare, sat down and started setting up. I held my breath as I pressed the power button and waited for it to wake up (I don't shut it down before class, but put it to sleep because it's up and running faster on arrival that way) - and it was fine.

Yep, that's right.  My laptop hit the pavement with enough force to embed a pebble into its casing (I have proof because there is, in fact, a pebble embedded in its casing and if I had a way to take a picture and upload it, I would), and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it except for the few scratches and dents on that one corner.  I'd said before that the reason I got a ThinkPad to begin with is because I take my laptop everywhere with me and they are known for being durable, but this sucker is a friggen TANK.  Jump on YouTube for a few minutes and watch some of the videos for stress tests of Lenovo ThinkPads - the one linked shows them crashing one into a wall at 35 mph, you can watch on the high-speed footage as the casing bent like a shirt blowing in the breeze, and they were still able to get the data off the thing.  The keyboard is built so that spills go right through and come out through the bottom (which came in handy once...) and you can walk on the keyboard without doing irreparable damage - yes, there's a video of that, too).  I wouldn't recommend abusing it that much, of course, but accidents happen, and this laptop is strong enough to handle them.

For those of you who are wondering, I have a Lenovo ThinkPad Z61m, purchased just this fall after my old Toshiba Satellite (the link takes you to a similar machine - I couldn't find the exact one but this gets linked for being closest and having an image from ANH on the screen) finally went to the digital version of the happy hunting ground - let me tell you, I was almost relieved when it finally put itself out of my misery!  The ThinkPad is faster than the Toshiba could ever have hoped to be, weighs less, has more than twice the RAM, is more reliable, and (obviously!) is more durable.  I would like to have one of those fancy touch-screen laptops like my mom has, but those things are notoriously fragile, and I need something that can withstand some punishment because with as much as my laptop travels, punishment is bound to happen, like it did today.  Looks like I found the right machine for the job.

We - meaning Troy and I - are thinking of partitioning the hard drive this summer so that I can dual-boot Vista and Linux, probably some form of Ubuntu, and learn my way around it.  I have wanted to learn my way around Linux for some time, primarily because it's open-source and often free, like most of the software I use (Firefox, Pidgin, and Open Office are the three big ones, though even the stuff I have that isn't open-source is free: iTunes, AVG, Spybot, Ad-Aware, etc.), and that often means that it's more customizable and more stable, both of which I like.  While there might be some software I use that isn't made for Linux (RoughDraft and Q10 come to mind, which is sad because I've really enjoyed using them), there are almost always alternatives that will do just fine for me (YWriter4 is a program I have used and actually did like, though it is more practical for editing than the frantic drafting that comes with NaNoWriMo).  The problem with Linux is that it takes some getting used to, and its users often are expected to know more about computers and programming than I do.  (That is, of course, a generalization which is bound to be false in some cases... but still.)  So, in order to learn my way around Linux, I'd have to learn a thing or three about computers - which is totally fine with me, and I'd like to know more, but it'll take some doing.  Incidentally, that's why I'd like to start with a dual-boot of Vista and Linux, because that way if there winds up being something I can't figure out on Linux, I can switch over to Windows and do it there - and I can do NaNoWriMo in RoughDraft or Q10 as I would prefer to.

Now, partitioning my hard drive is kind of a big deal, and I'm CERTAINLY not doing it until I've graduated and can stand to lose use of my computer for more than five minutes in case something goes wrong (though everything is getting backed up in Gmail and on my external hard drive and my iPod, if there's room, because I don't want to lose it!).  But it's a thought for the future.  And, who knows?  Maybe the next computer I have will be one I've built.  Wouldn't that be sweet?

I never thought I'd turn into the computer-savvy geek that apparently I want to be.  But working with Rosie has shown me that I've got a head for the basics of this stuff, and while there are some things that are beyond my ken right now, there are plenty of other things I can handle on my own perfectly well.  Besides, building my own computer and running it with a free operating system using a bunch of free software is way cheaper than going the store-bought route, and I'll wind up with a better machine, customized for my personal needs.  I'm all kinds of down with that.

Anyway, that was a nice little break from homework.  And now, back to the papers!  There are still plenty begging to be written! *frantically writing*

-Jaya-

I think that speaks for itself.

There's a ball next Saturday night.  And I've talked Troy into taking me.

Now, I've known about this ball for more than a year.  It's an annual event, put on by Colorado State and Friends of Traditional Dance, and last year a very dear friend of mine asked me to go with her, knowing that I would simply adore the whole thing, but I couldn't because I was going to the Loreena McKennitt concert with my dad. (Which was also fantastic and I don't regret for a second missing the ball for that.)  This year, however, I had no such conflict, and I have a boyfriend who could be talked in to indulging my silly fantasy for a night.  I've been going back and forth, trying to decide what dress to wear, how to do my hair, what shoes I'll want for dancing the night away, the whole nine yards.  I've almost decided on the black empire-waisted dress from my senior prom, assuming it still fits properly.  S'pose I should figure that out before too long.  But if I wear that one, I can wear my favorite black heels (oh, they're so lovely!), and bring my little black purse.  Yael agreed to do my hair like Jane's in Pride and Prejudice, and I bought some pretty fingernail appliqués from King Soopers (they're cheap, but it's only for one night anyway).  Sure, it's the Saturday before Finals week, but you know something, I just don't care.  This is my last semester of college, I've NEVER been to a dance with a date, and this one includes dance cards and live music by the Mostly Strauss Orchestra, also known as the Denver Pops.  I can't begin to express how delighted I am at the sheer idea.  I know that Troy can barely waltz, and honestly I'm not much better, but at this point that doesn't even matter.  I'm just excited to be going.

Because of all this, lately Troy has affectionately and teasingly diagnosed me with a Cinderella complex.  I'm not entirely sure he knows what that means, actually, because a desire to get dressed up in pretty dresses and go dancing has very little to do with a hidden fear of independence.  It has a lot more to do with being a very girly girl, and loving every second of it.

I think it's been well-established by this point that I am every feminist's worst nightmare.  And that I delight in being so.  I simply love the idea of being a good wife and mother someday, and if I was required to wear a dress every day I would be first in line to burn every pair of pants I own.  No higher compliment can come my way than to hear that I am considered a classy lady.  Climbing the corporate ladder has never held any attraction for me, and honestly I don't much want a job if I can get away with it.  (I probably can't, which makes me very sad, but if I could, I would.  And I know some of you are thinking, "Jaina, you'll go nuts if you don't have any intellectual stimulation!"  Which is true - thankfully, I have this fantastic internet contraption which provides more intellectual stimulation than I could ever need.  And it's not as though I don't intend to have friends or anything.  Everyone needs a break now and then.  I just don't want a job like everyone seems to think I should.)  I do want someone to take care of me, but it's less because I have some fear of independence and more because I want to have the time I would have spent taking care of myself to be spent taking care of others.  I'm not saying I don't fear independence at all, because I do.  I'm a college student for only a few more weeks, and after that I have to grow up some more, which frightens me a lot.  But it's not the sort of paralyzing fear which forces me to seek out people who will take care of me because I can't function if I have to take care of myself.  I'll do it, and I'll probably do very well at it, because I'm a smart young lady and - more importantly - I have an awesome God looking out for me and making sure that I am provided-for. 

So, do I have a Cinderella complex?  I don't know - whatever fear of independence I have probably isn't enough to warrant calling it a complex.  And, honestly, from what I can tell, this particular "complex" has received criticism in recent years for oversimplifying matters too much.  Besides, it seems to me that a fear of independence and a desire to be taken care of can be seen in a very good light - if I am afraid to be independent of God and want him to take care of me (as I know he will), is that such a bad thing? But I do know that, whatever I have, I'm very okay with it.  I'm a very strange person, and I'm glad of it.  I actually quite like the way I am - not that there aren't plenty of things I would change about me, but it's not like I wish I could just scrap the whole damn mess and start over.  Who I am, fundamentally, at the core, I pretty much like.  There's a lot of sin there and there's a lot of imperfections which drive me, God, and probably everyone else absolutely bonkers, but that stuff is the flesh, it's not me.  I do it, and I struggle with it, but it's not me.  Gah - Paul articulated this so much better than I could.  It's in Romans 7.  For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. (Rom 7:15-17)  Along those lines. 

Anyway, the point is, God made me as I am, and I think he did a pretty good job - "Cinderella complex" notwithstanding.

So, I don't know about you, but I think the most annoying thing in the world is to open my mailbox and find nothing useful inside, yet nevertheless find it stuffed with junk mail.

These guys have come up with a clever way of fighting back:

http://www.dearbulkmailer.com/

 

Now, I know that some of you are going, wait, that's not very nice.  Well, neither is wasting my life with piles of worthless junk which I will never use.  I figure, if you're going to annoy me to no end, waste a bunch of resources, time and money to print and mail this crap out, well, you have obviously got enough money to pay the post office for your receipt of a brick, courtesy of the disgruntled consumer whose life is already more complicated than it needs to be.  Here's the rationale from the site:

-Since these companies pay the post office, this lightens the load taxpayers need to pay to keep the post office operating

-This creates employment opportunities. The post office keeps cutting staff because of lack of business; this gives the post office a huge source of income from the credit card scam companies.

-This will lead to more cautious bulk mailing. Maybe these junk mailers simply don't know they are annoying people? Hopefully they will learn very quickly!

-This makes me laugh maniacally, like a cartoon supervillan.

-This saves trees. Once enough of us do this, the junk mail companies will stop sending us junk. Or at least they will be more discriminate about it. It will save trees and keep the landfills empty! Yay!

-If we do this enough, the USPS will make so much money, that they will lower postage costs.

Ok, that last one isn't very likely.  But I especially like the third-to-last one - oddly enough, it has the same effect on me!

...Find me a box and a brick!

I don't know whether I'm even coherent at this point. I watched "Chicken Chicken Chicken" on YouTube today and giggled for at least 20 minutes at the thought of doing it for my thesis presentation. It's not THAT funny... except it really is, in a completely ridiculous way. Actually, at this point, I could probably listen to freakin' "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" and understand the deep and profound meaning behind the lyrics. And I'm not even on any mind-altering substances, unless you count a severe lack of sleep and several weeks' worth of school-induced stress. So maybe I'm not the best authority.

Anyway, considering that, the following sounds pretty darn good to me. Perhaps I will view it in a month and realize that I might have unknowingly inhaled any number of mind-altering substances, because the only other explanation for my current state of mind is multiple alien abductions, and as much as I love the X-Files I don't really believe in alien abductions.  ...Most days.

But I'm going to turn it in to my GR teacher tomorrow as my second-to-last journal entry, and it's going to be freaking sweet. Especially the part about abortion. I think I toned it down a bit, especially toward the beginning when I thought I might still care, but by the time I got to the abortion bit I pretty much decided, you know what, screw it, I'm right anyway so who cares what she thinks. And then I realized what I'd done and backed off toward the end. But still.

Well, maybe you should read it for yourself.

( Penultimate GR Journal OF DOOM, because everything's cooler when you add OF DOOM to the end. )

So, there you have it.  I'd like to say that it's pretty good but I'm really in no position to judge.  When I first wrote it I thought, "Wow! That's really amazing!  I'm going to post it on the LJ for all to see!" and now that I've posted it I'm thinking, "Hmm, maybe this was a bad idea..." but it's 2:30 in the morning and I still have reading to do before I can sleep.  So I'm going to go ahead and post it, and we'll hash out the details of whether that was a good idea some other time, eh?  All righty then. 

Peace out.

-Jaya-

It's been a really, really, really, really, really long week, and I only have 4 pages of my Sophia paper written. You know, the one that's supposed to be 20 pages long.

So I was taking a break, because it seemed the logical thing to do at the time. Actually, it really was, because my brain was so fried that trying to work would have resulted in a bunch of gibberish that I would later have to cut out, anyway, and completely defeat the purpose.

Anyway, the point of all that is, I found these. And I thought I would share, because they are that awesome. Especially the last one. Bwaha.

ESB Sweded Even if you don't know what "sweded" means - you'll enjoy. And you'll know when you watch.
X-Files Movie Trailer leaked! The name might be lame, but the movie looks sweet!
Crazy lady thinks she deserves something other than a slap upside the head This one is more sad than awesome... but amusing.
Robot Chicken does Star Wars - the trailer  Sometimes rude, sometimes crude, but I gotta hand it to these guys.  It is funny.
3-Year-Old on ANH If I were there, I would be giving her the biggest hug EVER. She is ADORABLE. :D

And now, BACK TO WORK! *whips self*

-Jaya-

I only have about half an hour to write this, so it won't be as in-depth as I would like.  However, since my Goddess Religions professor was kind enough to attempt to indoctrinate me regarding her position on abortion, I thought I would air my own views on the subject.  It shouldn't take long; they are quite simple.

If you're looking for a very long, in-depth, thorough and (in my own humble opinion) excellent defense of the pro-life position, I suggest reading Rebecca Kiessling's essay.  I especially like her reasoning regarding partial-birth and other late-term abortions - at that point, it has NOTHING to do with the mother's body, as it's quite possible to deliver the child by c-section or inducing labor, and in many cases the child stands a chance to live.  In those cases, is it not the obligation of the mother to attempt to preserve life where it is clearly possible to do so?  What right does the mother have to dictate that this child be killed, when very little effort on her part will secure its survival (or at least make survival possible)?  If she wants to avoid raising it, there are plenty of adoption agencies out there which would be glad to help her find a home for her child.  At that point, it is nothing but sheer, selfish laziness that is prompting the mother to seek abortion.

My point of view on the matter is somewhat simpler.  The only time in which abortion is permissible is when the mother's or the child's life is threatened by carrying the baby full term.  In the case of the mother, she has the right to act in what is, essentially, self-defense, and save her own life at the cost of another's, assuming that is the only way she can save herself.  I may not like it, but I will grant that right.  In the case of the child, well, if it won't survive the birth anyway, why make the mother suffer through a pregnancy that will come to nothing?  However, in all other cases - including that of rape - while the inconvenience of a nine-month pregnancy may be unappealing, that is absolutely NO reason to deprive an innocent child of its life.  The child is not the guilty party in the matter, regardless of how one thinks of it.  And honestly, the majority of abortions are done in cases where it was simply inconvenient for the woman to be pregnant, for whatever reason, and she puts her own personal comfort and ease ahead of another person's life, for which she is wholly responsible and with which she has been entrusted its sole care.  That's not only selfish to the extreme, but it's quite sick.  Kiessling gives an example of a man snowed in to a cabin with a child who is too small to reach any of the food stored in the cupboards, for nine months.  If he were to refuse to get food for the child because it would inconvenience him (perhaps he has a bum shoulder which makes reaching up to the cupboards painful), and the child starved to death because of his inaction, would not everyone be up in arms?  He has the means to provide for this child, and while it may have been inconvenient for him to do so, that does not absolve him of the responsibility to do it. 

It frustrates me to no end to hear all these women saying that "it's my right to choose what happens to my body."  What kind of selfish, unfeeling, stuck-up, evil person are you?  How dare you?  Nothing angers me quite like that. 

But anyway.  I should head to class.  Just thought I'd get that off my chest.  :)

-Jaya-

Momma, I Wanna Live

I think that speaks for itself.

Hello again!  I feel like I haven't posted in ages.  (That's probably because I haven't.)  I suppose some accounting for the last couple of weeks is due.  So, here goes.


And other than that, this past week has been spent playing catch-up.  I discovered that NavPress is not offering any internships for Summer 2008, which is sad, but then Cindy Frost told me that I should check out working at Highlands to get some ministry experience, which is a really good idea because, while I will never be not practicing writing (I'd probably explode if I couldn't write), I can have too little ministry experience, and this would be a good opportunity for me to build up my experience in that area.  So, while I'm still open to suggestions (and if anyone has suggestions or recommendations for internships for me this summer, preferably someone who would be ok with me going to the General Assembly for a week in June, let me know!), at the moment, I'm thinking I might wind up at Highlands. 

Oh, one last thing.  I read The Red Tent this week.  I was disappointed, to say the least.  Rife with goddess worship (and thanks to my class, I recognize most of the goddesses mentioned...), the book displays a sort of secret women's cult which centers around the red tent, and the men are portrayed primarily as boorish, overbearing, cruel and stupid - especially the men of Abraham's family.  Rebekah (or Rebecca, as it is in the book, since the author has this odd need to spell EVERYTHING differently from the way it's spelled in the Bible) is a pagan oracle and her husband Isaac is a ridiculous old figure worthy of no one's respect.  In fact, the only men who are worthy of respect are the Egyptian ones.  I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.  This book was recommended to me by someone who was, in retrospect, almost certainly hostile toward Christianity and would have been delighted to read a story which demeans the Biblical men and their God. 

If it had been a good story, perhaps I could have seen past these flaws and at least appreciated the storytelling skill of the author, but I really couldn't.  Diamant's voice through Dinah is exactly that postmodern, pretentious, everything-I-say-is-this-profound-revelation tone that I absolutely loathe (and which, to a lesser extent, can also be found in Blue Like Jazz, which affected my fondness for that book, also), and I found none of the characters particularly engaging except Dinah's first husband, who of course was killed by her brothers shortly after we meet him.  Go figure.

So, anyway, there is an overview of the past couple of weeks for you.  And now, back to the thesis!

-Jaya-

So, I finally got around to reading that Austenland book that I got for my birthday.  It was a really short, easy read - just what I needed.  Slightly under 200 pages of fluffy chick lit only takes me a couple of hours to read, as evidenced by the fact that I started it as I was waiting for the bus this morning, read it between classes, and finished it on the bus ride home - so it's not like this was a huge time commitment or anything. 

Any of you who know me will understand why Austenland was the perfect fit for my tastes.  The basic premise is that a woman, a bit too obsessed with the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice (and, more importantly, COLIN FIRTH as Mr. Darcy!), is sent to a vacation resort in England known as Pembrook Park - Austenland.  Here she hopes to cure herself of this obsession that is ruining every relationship she has, and to get over Mr. Darcy once and for all.  Now, of course this is chick lit.  In this perfect world, she doesn't actually have to get over Mr. Darcy, because along he comes, complete with bad attitude and botched first proposal.  And yet, somehow, I'm on the edge of my seat throughout the whole book, wondering whether Mr. Darcy will wind up being Mr. Darcy after all, or whether he's actually a Mr. Willoughby or Mr. Wickham in disguise.  For, you know, one never can quite tell with these men.  That's part of the fun of it.

That being said, this book was so much fun!  I certainly wouldn't rate it anywhere near the perfection of Pride and Prejudice or even Jane Eyre - it's not masterful in that sense and isn't meant to be - but it's so adorable, and so easy for me to get into.  While Jane (the MC) initially resists the whole world of Pembrook Park (something I would never do - were I to find myself inexplicably flung back to Regency England, I am not likely to question my great fortune - on the contrary, I would immerse myself as fully in the experience as soon as I was able!), she and I have a lot in common.  Oh, except the ten million ruined relationships in her past.  I only have 2 of those, and neither had anything to do with Darcy.  But besides that, I can completely sympathize with her surreptitious adoration of the DVD, her frustration with her inability to get over a fictional character, and especially the comment she made that ran something along the lines of "All you have to do to explain this to a woman is say 'Colin Firth in a wet shirt' and she gets it right away."  That made me laugh out loud... in the middle of the hallway between classes.  Good freaking times.  It must have been hilarious to watch me read it, because I couldn't sit still, I was so excited, and I was always gasping or smiling or flipping back to make sure that Mr. Nobley had really said what I thought he said... and I was so engrossed that I shudder to think what might have happened if the building had caught fire - I might not have noticed.  Some people have this internal clock they can set so that they wake up after so many hours of sleep without the help of an alarm clock.  I have a clock that I can set so that I stop reading when I have to go do something else without the help of an alarm clock - but I'm immune to interruption until then.  Or, at least, mostly. :)

So, I think, provided that Troy is actually doing his boy's night tonight or whatever he had planned and Dana won't mind that I don't much want to watch scary movies tonight, I'm going to make myself a pot of tea, maybe some tea sandwiches for dinner, and curl up with Colin Firth - I mean, Pride and Prejudice - and dream.

I feel like I accomplished a lot today, even if I really didn't do much.  I got my blood drawn at Hartshorne for all those tests Mom wanted to run, which wasn't particularly exciting.  But it was also quite possibly the least painful draw I've ever had, which is good, because I HATE getting my blood drawn.  I told the nurse I tend to get lightheaded when poked with sharp objects, so she had me lay down, which was good, because that's always easier.  And she was very quick and efficient about it.  Not like some people in the past who have poked and prodded and jabbed about because they couldn't find a vein.  *shudder*  She was just in, ouch, and that was it until she pulled it back out, which again didn't hurt much.  And of course I wasn't stupid enough to watch.  So I didn't get terribly lightheaded, and I got some juice at the end of it just in case.  So that could have been way worse. 

And, Marvin agreed to be my committee member, so that's a huge weight off my mind.  I can finally get that stupid thesis proposal turned in and out of my hair.  Thank heavens.   Of course, no meeting with Marvin is ever short, so I spent like an hour and change in his office talking about it, which is cool on some levels but I really wanted to go home... he's the sort that will challenge you to actually think about what you're saying, though, which is really cool.  I may not agree with him politically on everything, but he is the sort that will actually leave his politics at the classroom door, rather than give a speech about it, and he challenges you to think about what you're saying and doing in a way that most teachers just don't.  The general consensus in the English department is (and I agree) that Marvin is the hardest teacher in the department - a B in his class is worth an A anywhere else - but he's also one of the best teachers, precisely because he is so difficult, and he forces you to learn (whether you like it or not).  Besides, who could hate a guy with mutton chops and a waistcoat?  Nope, Marvin is awesome.

So that's all good, but that's really all I did today apart from going to class.  Oh, and I guess I did that assignment for GRs about the temple (such as it is - it's not like Sophia ever had a temple in which she was worshipped so I wound up doing Hagia Sophia in Istanbul since it's sort of close).  That was nothing, though.  But man, I feel like I got so much done!  What the heck?  That seems kind of lame, feeling like I accomplished more than I actually did.  BOO.  Oh well, I guess there's always tomorrow - though tomorrow is the first of the Arizona meetings.  I'm glad I decided to go.  I was kind of torn about it, but it just wouldn't be Spring Break without Arizona.  Though this year Spring Break is also Holy Week, which will be weird, and we have to decide whether we're staying in AZ for Easter or coming back the night before.  I'd have no problem with staying and celebrating Easter with the Navajo - that sounds like it would be really fun!  But we'll see what happens.

And I think that's all the news from here.  I bet you were all getting sick of my arguing posts anyway. ;)

-Jaya-

Okay, actually this post has nothing to do with the items mentioned in the subject, I just like the use of language there.  I've always liked that poem, despite some overeager critics' insistence that the Walrus and the Carpenter is a not-so-subtle allegory against Judaism and Christianity (which, while it sort of makes sense, doesn't really fit with the poem well enough for me to buy it).

I got an email from Princeton this morning saying that, if I want to, I can still apply (even though the deadline is past) and be considered for Fall 08 if there are open positions left.  I won't be on the top of the list, but I can apply, and it's not like Princeton is high on my list of places I want to go, anyway.  Although the logic of the theology would be nice.  But we'll see - I'll apply, since they've given me the chance.  And it'll make Mom happy, and we all know that a happy Mommy means Brittany doesn't hate her whole screwed-up life, so that's good.

I talked to Cindy Frost yesterday about seminaries, which was great.  It's so wonderful to know that I have so many people behind me in this endeavor, and everyone is so excited for me.  Cindy also recommended I check out Regent, in Vancouver, British Columbia (hehe, I could go to seminary in Canadia... I mean Canada... hehehe!), which sounds like it might be really cool.  I don't know - there's something about that northwest corner of the world that seems to be trying to just suck me in, since the other place I'd really like to go is Fuller in Seattle. Maybe it's a sign - go west, young man sort of thing.

I wandered on to the Indoctrinate-U site earlier today.  No word on a CO screening, or I would totally go and invite everyone I could, but they are going to start offering the film for download within a couple of days, which will be AWESOME.  And, they're offering a special for bloggers and other media-type folks: free review copies of the movie, as long as we post a review on our blogs (or in the equivalent media outlet to which we have access).  And, of course, I signed up.  So watch here within the next week or two for that review - I'm all kinds of excited about it.  I also plan to submit it to Ram Republic. 

So anyway, class will be starting soon, meaning I should make like a baby.  Later days!

-Jaya-

I hate seeing myself slipping into old familiar habits, but I'm finding it harder and harder to pay attention in Goddess Religions.  Last time, she spent the entire class period lecturing us about why the assertions made in the readings were just tentative, possibilities, etc. Apparently I wasn't the only one whose journal consisted of "you know, none of these claims have anything substantiating them..."  She had no problems admitting that some of the images depicted in the book weren't necessarily clear in their femininity. 

That's great.  We don't exactly have a lot of evidence to make any claims - be they regarding goddesses or anything else - from the paleolithic and neolithic ages.  But the problem I have with these readings is the lengths to which the authors will go to prove that every single pot ever dug up points to a goddess-based religion.  They'll take abstract images like swirls, swastikas (which were actually a symbol of GOOD LUCK until Hitler appropriated them, just so you know), zigzags, etc. and claim that those are somehow evidence for this pervasive goddess religion.  Like, every single spiral image ever is supposed to be a snake.  NOTHING is just a pretty design anymore.  Nothing is made which does not point toward the goddess.  And some of those images just don't look like what they want them to look like.  It's not a matter of ambiguity, it's a matter of pulling stuff out of their collective @$$ and assuming everyone else will see it, too.  And of course, we all know what assuming does to people.

Really, it's quite laughable, in a very sad sort of way.  These people, Baring and Cashford, the authors of this book, are trying so hard to create an argument in favor of this universal, pervasive mother-goddess religion of the early people that they're pulling things out which are ambiguous at best and often simply ludicrous.  Who in the world took this seriously enough to let it be published?  I feel like an adult looking at a child's firm belief in Santa Clause, a child who should probably have grown out of that belief several years ago.  It's kind of amusing, in a way, but mostly it's just pathetic.

In other news, I'm not dropping the honors program, much as I long to.  I have to find a committee member, though, and get Mitchell to agree to do GR as an Honors Option - we'll see if she lets me.  If not, well, there's no reason to do the thesis cause I still won't graduate with honors.  But we'll see where it goes.  I don't actually care that much, which is kind of nice - doing something against your will means that you do what you have to, but if something goes wrong, you don't really care.  Probably not the best way to feel about it, but I'm so done with CSU, I just don't care.  Just give me my diploma and let me go, thanks. 

I'm going to the health center this afternoon to hopefully get an appointment and get my ear checked out.  I'm getting sick of not being able to sleep normally because I can't put pressure on my ear.  So we'll look into that. 

Tonight is the lenten path thing at church, in which I am very interested since I remember when Brighton did the labyrinth thing, and I want to compare the two.  Luckily, my core group has decided to go to that and the Ash Wednesday service tonight instead of doing regular Bible study, so I can do it without having to miss out on anything.  Core group last week was amazing - we have a tiny, tiny group - last week it was just me, Peg, Steph and Joanna but we had a great conversation and it lasted forever.

And that's all the news for today.  People are starting to come in and talk (why do they have to talk at the top of their lungs?) so I'm having trouble concentrating, anyway.  I'm out.

-Jaya-

Nathaniel, you are my hero for telling me that David the Gnome is on YouTube.  I actually found an episode I remember, when a little girl gets poisoned by eating a strawberry (that had been tainted with pesticides! Gasp!  I didn't remember it being so environmentalist when I was little, but it's like Captain Planet, only less cheesy) and David has to go find a rare flower to help her.  And there's another about a baby troll that gets stuck in the river and two deer who get their antlers stuck together. Wow.  Talk about a flashback!  So that's fun. And, I found Rock Monster from the new Veggie Tales movie on YouTube as well.  Today was a good day for YouTube.

I'm slightly less in crisis mode.  Typing it out always helps; that's why I do it.  But I really should go over to the CSU library and pick up my book before it gets too late - I have some reading to do for tomorrow.

-Jaya-

Gah.  Today's the first day of school for most people, so here I am, all alone, since I don't start until tomorrow.  Actually, I'm kind of very ok with having Tuesdays completely off (the irony of the situation being, now that I have Tuesdays off, Troy doesn't.  Heh.) - it gives me time to do stuff that needs to be done.  Like going to the post office and whatnot.  And if I'm lucky I might still get to have lunch with my boy.

But today's also cramps day, meaning all that stuff I thought I wanted to do either won't get done because I'm curling up in misery with a heating pad, or will get done but I'll be miserable the whole time.  Without the heating pad.  I do intend to run to King Soopers later and get some ibuprofen because we're out, and that's not acceptable.  I needs my painkillers.  So King Soopers will be first, and the post office will have to wait.  Speaking of King Soopers, I think I finally might have figured out some way of keeping my receipts where I'll actually remember to put them.  I think.  So we'll see how that works out, only it's not exactly the most... organized of systems.  Still, it'll be more than I've done before, so that's something.  Woot.  And, hey, at least I know the cramps mean that my body is doing something it never did before, so that's something.  I'd rather have cramps and be regular than not have cramps and bleed to death.

At least I'm not in Ashley's position.  She had to go to the hospital this morning, which is scary... I can't say all of why as I don't know if she'd want that broadcast, but she's in a lot of pain and she doesn't really know what's going on.  Luckily her dad came down and took her, so she has him with her.  I totally would have taken her and bugger the cramps, but I definitely know how much more reassuring it is to have your parents with you when wandering into the hospital, rather than just your roommate. :)  But all of y'alls who read this monstrosity of a journal, keep her in your prayers.  I'll try to keep updates going, and if I start to slack just shoot me a reminder comment.

Yarrgh.  It's amazing how my thoughts can just change over the course of a day or two.  Sunday, I was all kinds of excited about God and how amazingly awesome He is, and His creation, and the beauty of it all, and... yeah.  Elegant is also a good word for that, by the way.  And then today, just because my body has gone all postal on me, I'm like "blah blah, I hate the world" like it suddenly isn't God's anymore, or isn't beautiful or something.  Gah.  Stupid me. 

But I have been spending a lot of time reading apologetics stuff.  I'm continually amazed at all the conflicting beliefs I held, and how often the secular one is just ludicrous.  Like evolution, for example.  I'm sorry, but the burden of proof is on the evolutionists, and I just don't see it.  After something like 180 years since Darwin proposed the theory and people started really digging in to the fossil record, we haven't found a single missing link.  Everything that seemed to be a missing link was later proven to be just a stunted or deformed version of some species we already knew - like Lucy, who turned out to be a pygmy chimpanzee.  Or that guy they thought was a Neanderthal and turned out to be a really old man with arthritis.  Or that bird/lizard thing which turned out to be not at all bird and all lizard.  There's literally NO evidence for evolution as it is traditionally understood!  And then there's that "Punctuated Equilibrium" crap, where they try to say that "oh, well, of course there's gaps in the fossil record, because there were these periods where things just evolved reallyreallyfast all of a sudden and then stopped."  Which anybody with a brain can tell is completely pulled out from where the sun don't shine.  Honestly, what explanation could you possibly provide for a ludicrous  assertion like that?  If you're going to claim that there was some period of intense radiation from... something... that caused this rapidfire evolution, you better be able to find evidence of that.  We know that radiation lasts for freaking ever  - and even when it's gone, there are chemical changes in the very soil that will show pretty clearly what happened.  So, until you find evidence for that, your theory is still a pile of crap.  But it's amazing how many people willfully blind themselves to that fact, because the alternative is just so hard to face.  God is a scary idea, if you're against His existence.  And of course nobody wants to be wrong.

There was one argument I encountered, though, that I'd never seen before, but I found very impressive.  It comes from SETI, the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence.  The basic plan is to scan the universe, or as much of it as we can reach from Earth, looking for radio signals that exert a pattern of some recognizable sort - like a sort of alien morse code.  Just a recognizable pattern, instead of the randomness of background noise in space, would be enough for SETI to claim that its mission was successful, and that they had found intelligent life outside of planet Earth.  Think about that.  All they need to claim an intelligence behind the signal is to find a pattern in it.  And if they found it, I think they'd have a hard time finding someone who didn't agree that some sort of intelligence was behind that signal.  Now, that being the case (signal pattern = intelligence behind it), what do we do with DNA?  Let's see.  We have a series of four bases, A, T, G, C.  From these bases, patterns are built up that hold instructions to run an entire living being.  HMMMMMMMM.  Do you think that PATTERN might signal INTELLIGENCE behind it?  What a thought - and it had never even occurred to me before.  So that was spiffy.

Well, friends, I can't take this anymore - I've gots to get me some painkillers before I try to kill something else.  It's a good thing Aspen isn't up here, because I might grab me some dark chocolate as well.  And if she ate it, if the chocolate didn't kill her, I would.  ;)

-Jaya-

So I finally got to play today with a Christmas present I'd wanted, and received, but hadn't opened.  It was the 40th anniversary edition DVD of The Sound of Music.  Now, you should know that this is one of my favorite musicals EVER, that captures my imagination every time and was very probably the inspiration for a very stupid game that my friend Sarah, my sister, and I used to play when we were little, which involved Nazis and lots of running away.  I simply love the story, the idea that Maria comes in, falls completely in love with the children and their father, joins the family, and almost immediately is thrown into turmoil with the arrival of the Nazis in Austria.  Just, wow.  And Julie Andrews is fantastic, and amazing, and spectacular.  That woman is a true lady, and I really admire her a lot.

Now, granted, the musical takes a LOT of liberties.  Like, Maria wasn't in love with Captain Von Trapp when she married him; she wasn't even sure she liked him, but she wanted to be a mother to the children.  Or, how if they'd actually gone over the mountains like in the movie, they would have wound up in Adolf Hitler's vacation home in Germany.  Oops.  But that doesn't change the beauty of the story.  Accuracy is not at all important, really, not with such a well-done story to work with.  I mean, look at the scene where Maria and the captain dance at the party.  Every single time, it makes me want to stand up and dance too - only I don't have anyone to dance with me, sadly, and if I did it'd probably be Ashley which would mean I'd have to play the captain and there's that awkward staring into each other's eyes part... um... not so much...  But oh! how wonderful it would be to dance like that!  To just have someone come up out of the blue and ask me to dance, and take me through the steps, make me feel that graceful and beautiful and loved would be... sigh.  Amazing.  Wow.  I want one. (Troy, dearest, if you're reading this, feel free to take that as a really-not-subtle hint. ^.~)

Or the Sixteen Going on Seventeen bit, when they're dancing in the gazeebo, and it's just fun and light and I finally know how that feels and it's so happy!  It's just good.  Really, really, good.  It's hard for me to watch this movie by myself, because it always makes me want to give someone a hug.  Not like that stopped me today, obviously, but still.  Love this movie, love it lots and lots.  I watched it that last night before my first spring break of college, when I was so terrified of going on the mission trip the following morning, I was all alone, and I was too dumb to pray about it - Ashley has a copy - and it cheered me up right away.  If Maria can climb over the Alps with seven kids and leave behind everything she has ever known, if she can follow God's will to the governess position in the first place, surely I can go to Arizona for a week.  Happy, happy, happy.

And since Ashley went to bed, and there's no one here to share my joy, I thought I'd post it, because I can't keep it in.  This movie is just good.  And I need to learn to dance.  That's how I need to exercise, I'd love every second of it.  I just need to find me a partner, cause Troy didn't seem so thrilled with it when we tried it before, sadly, and I don't want to make him keep doing something he doesn't like just so I can get in shape.  So if you know of anyone who wants to learn to dance with me, particularly of the male persuasion, you should let me know.  That'd be sweet.

-Jaya-

I suddenly have time to post in here again.  So, here I go again.

So, last night was new year's, and here's hoping for a fantastic year to all.  We wound up a Troy's house, just hanging out.  Everyone else got to drink alcohol and I had to limit myself, as I don't have a death wish.  On the one hand, I kind of wish I didn't have to be so careful about what I drink, because it really sucks to watch everyone else enjoying a drink or three (or ten...) and knowing that I can't do that.  And every time I do choose to have something, I have to convince everyone that it won't kill me.  Even though I don't actually know what my limit is, so there's always a chance that it will.  On the other hand, if I didn't have this limitation imposed upon me, I know that I'd impose it on myself.  A little buzz might be all right, but I've never had any burning desire to get drunk.  Or, for that matter, even any idle curiosity which might make me choose to give it a try once.  I had my chances in high school, before I got on the metformin, to get drunk, and I always chose not to do it.  If I'd wanted to, Jenn would gladly have given me the chance to drink, but I didn't care that much.  Still, it's frustrating.  I always feel kind of left out.  Especially times like last night, when everybody else could have fun with it and I just had to sit there. 

For example, we made a Mythbusters drinking game because, well, if you think about it, Mythbusters kind of lends itself to a drinking game.  Now, granted, the fun part was coming up with the stuff.  But later, when we watched an episode to play it, I got the rather arbitrary and useless title of Rule Master, meaning I held the notebook on which I wrote all the rules and made sure we announced every time someone needed to take a drink.  Like everyone else couldn't keep track of that (they did).  I really should have gone downstairs and grabbed some milk or something, just so I'd have something to drink every time everyone else did.  Sigh.  It's not their fault, but it sucks for me.  Though I am glad that I'm not at any risk of making a complete fool of myself and making some decisions I'll regret later.  I mean, I get  bad enough when I'm just tired.  I don't want to know what alcohol could do to that.

Speaking of Mythbusters Drinking Games, there aren't that many out there.  Here's what I found after a few minutes on Google (I tried to look on the official Discovery channel Mythbusters forums, but the registration email never came through and I eventually gave up caring):
http://stevejmitchell.blogspot.com/2006/12/mythbusters-drinking-game.html
http://www.forumopolis.com/showthread.php?t=32019

And that's all.  So we're somewhat pioneers, it seems.  I'll have to see if that registration ever comes through so I can post our version on the website.

But for now, it's back to my novel I go.  Or maybe I'll find some food or something first. Hmmm....

-Jaya-

Yes, yes, I've been wasting time on YouTube again.  Only, I don't know that it's really such a waste.  Granted, I've spent plenty of time talking to people who can't hear me as they post videos on YouTube which create straw man arguments against Christianity and then, surprisingly enough, knock them down.  Gasp.

One person posted an argument against what he seems to think is a common argument in favor of Christianity.  The basic argument, as he describes it, is this: We, as human beings, are incapable of truly KNOWING anything - we do not know if we are brains in jars or whether our memories are true or whatever - therefore, reason and observation are just as faith-based as belief in God, and the two belief systems are equally rational.  He then proceeds to point out, quite rightly, that this argument is ridiculous.  Perhaps we do not know for certain that what we observe is real, or true, but we have no good evidence to doubt it.  Reason and observation are perfectly legitimate ways of understanding our world. 

What I find so frustrating about this argument is that it presupposes that there is NO rationality behind a belief in God.  Nothing could be further from the truth, and the fact that Christians (well-meaning, I am sure) seem so ready to admit that their beliefs are irrational drives me bonkers.  It's only giving the atheists one more reason to remain atheist - if even Christians deny the rationality of God, what in the world will make them think that God is real?  And it's not true at all.  There are hundreds of reasons for a rational person to believe in God - I certainly would not be a Christian without them.  Look at the historical accuracy of the Bible, for example - though many claims or events recorded in the Bible ave been proven true, none have ever been proven false.  Those that seemed to be false at one time were later confirmed by either outside references or archaeological evidence.  Or take the incredible complexity of life - doesn't it take a lot more faith to believe that coincidence after coincidence after coincidence should happen just so in order for life to arise than to believe that Someone was guiding it?  If the strong nuclear force had been just 1% stronger at the moment of the Big Bang, life would not have been possible.  Had it been 1% weaker, atoms could not even have formed.  And this seems like a coincidence?  Irrationality to the extreme!  There are arguments from morality that I have not even touched.  Oh, yes, there is plenty of evidence for God's existence, both in a general and in a specifically Christian sense.  It is quite a rational belief, thank you very much.

Another argument I came across was a lot more difficult for me.  Eventually I reached the conclusion that there is something that I just don't get, but let me explain his argument first.  He started with the common Christian claim that God is outside not only the physical world, but outside time itself.  Which is true, as far as I know, and perfectly orthodox, though I understand that there is some debate as to whether or not it is actually the case.  Suffice it to say, there is nothing in the Bible that forbids a belief that God is outside of time, and considering that he created everything else (and that the first day was not until he created something), I think it is perfectly Biblical and rational to assert that God is outside of time.

Now, he claims, time is a rather arbitrary thing. There is nothing intrinsic about it, it is simply a way in which we have chosen to divide up the moments we experience in some rational order.  Time, in other words, is a series or sequence of moments.  If you look at a photograph, or a scaled model, you have some of the dimensions of space (in a model, you have all of them, in a photo, you're missing one), but you do not have time.  Consequently, the objects in the photo or model, whether they represent living beings or not, are not sentient, because they are missing the dimension of time, and therefore cannot think.  In order to have a thought, he claims, you must have a beginning, a middle, and an end, which constitutes time.  There are no thoughts in a photograph.  Therefore, for God to be outside of time, he must not be sentient, or conscious, because he is unable to have a thought without a time in which to have it.

Okay, so, responding to that one is tricky.  I am tempted to say that, just because the way we think is limited by time, that does not mean that the only way in which a thought can be produced is within a time frame.  Which, now that it's there in front of me, doesn't sound quite so wrong as it had seemed in my head.  However, we have no way to know whether or not that is true. Hence the conclusion that there is something else that I just don't understand. 

I know that there is something else to thinking beyond just time.  I mean, in a movie, time passes, but it's an illusion.  An hour and a half might go by, but it is not as if the projections on the screen are thinking anything.  The actors might have been thinking something when they filmed it, but Gene Kelly is dead now, so it's not like he's still thinking those things every time you pop in Singin' in the Rain.  That's ridiculous.  Conversely, a computer moves through time, and it even does certain things at certain points in time which produce various results, it makes calculations, and so on; however, no one genuinely believes that it is sentient.  There are those individuals who believe that someday computers will attain sentience, but nobody believes my ThinkPad is going to actually think anything.

Since there are things which move through time and yet are not capable of thought, I believe it is legitimate to presume that the opposite may be true, and that it might be possible to not move through time and yet be capable of thought.  This is a difficult question to discuss since we simply do not have the requisite information.  We cannot stipulate what does or does not happen outside of time since none of us have ever BEEN outside of time and therefore cannot know if there is another way to have a thought which does not require the passage of time.  I can't even comprehend the absence of time in my life, and I suspect neither could this video poster.  Just because it is so far removed from the realm of our experience makes it impossible to draw any conclusions from it one way or the other.  I know that God exists, partially on rational grounds and partly on some gut instinct that reinforces my reason to such an extent that I cannot doubt it.  So there is some way in which he, being the infinite and eternal being he is, can probably have a thought outside of time.  I don't know what it is or how it works, but I can't see how I could be expected to understand the infinite from a finite perspective.

That's probably not a very reasonable perspective from an atheist perspective, and I certainly don't expect that argument to convince anyone who does not already believe in God, but there it is.  It's the best I can do at the moment.

And, I really ought to go send that book off, so I'm going to head to the post office. 

-Jaya-

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1433201371

Good times, good times.

Okay, so, just for kicks, I checked out the Rotten Tomatoes page for that new movie, Beowulf.  Now, granted, I'm an English major, so I probably view Beowulf in a slightly different light than your average movie critic, but still, it makes me want to either laugh or cry (or an amusing combination of both) when  I see reviews like these:

Gather round the fire, for I will tell you a tale unlike any other. OK, it's like The Lord of the Rings retold with plastic dolls and a lot of wench jokes. - Kyle Smith

Forget the English poem and ignore length: A sensory experience more appealing to eyes and ears than the mind or heart due to Zemeckis technical wizardry, watching this mythic epic in 3D Imax is a must for viewers interested in the future of the medium... - Emanuel Levy

It may raise the eyebrows of English Lit professors but will quicken the pulse of everyone else. - Kirk Honeycutt

Beowulf is a solemnly gorgeous, at times borderline stolid piece of Tolkien-with-a-joystick mythology. - Owen Gleiberman

Okay, for those of you who STILL live in total ignorance, TOLKIEN BASED HIS BOOKS OFF OF BEOWULF!  In other words, if this movie DIDN'T strike you as rather Tolkien-esque, something is wrong!  Of COURSE it's going to be similar to Lord of the Rings!  You friggen dolts!

And, yes, I have a feeling it will be raising the eyebrows of anyone with an education, because anyone with an education will have read the damn thing.  Granted, it's boring and tiring and long, but you've at least got an idea of what it's talking about.  (Side note: the CSU English club once hosted a reading of Beowulf in the original Old English, done by Dr. Marvin who is the medievalist among the English profs and who knows how to pronounce the stuff... I got a preview as I was taking his Shakespeare 1 class at the time, and WOW was it amazingly cool!)

So anyway.  People are stupid.  Oh, and apparently Beowulf fights Grendel in the nude.  Huzzah.
This review, however, makes me laugh: Beowulf bellows 'I am Beowulf!' so many times, it could be a drinking game; it certainly rivals 'This is Sparta!' as the year's preferred macho catch phrase. - Christy Lemire

So, I'm sure I know some boys who will be intrigued by this movie and probably see it at some point (even if they choose to wait until it comes out on Blu-ray).  But I don't think I want to be there when they do.

-Jaya-