Jots and Tittles

The last time I watched Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ was back when it was in theatres, when I was in high school.  Our youth group went, and I must have been a senior because I remember that we went with Christy, and we missed the first five minutes or so because she thought it would only take 20 minutes to get from Brighton to Westminster.  During rush hour.

Anyhow, what I remember most from watching it that first time was sitting in the theatre begging Jesus to quit because I wasn't worth it.  I knew, I think, that he thought I was worth every lash, but I couldn't be okay with it.  I kept thinking, Stop! I'm not worth it!  Just stop! To my surprise, I managed to restrain myself from crying.  Yes, I teared up quite a bit and it was a fight to keep from crying, but I made it.  

Now, though, as I'm house sitting for Joanne who happens to have a copy, and since I'm alone tonight, I figured it was high time that I watch it again.  There was no worry that I wasn't worth it--I know that I wouldn't be worth it except for one thing: God made me, and he thinks I'm worth it.  And he's God, so I bet he would know.  And did I cry this time?  Bawled my eyes out.  I'm still sniffling.  Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done to watch that completely by myself, but then again it was probably the best course of action, because I wasn't really alone after all.  Jesus was right there with me.  And it was good.  I mean, it focuses on the most depressing aspect of Christianity but it's one of the most essential parts.  I do wish there had been just a smidge more of the Resurrection, just because that's SUCH an amazing story, but it is a whole different story, so I can see why Gibson made the decision he did.

Those of you who know me well might wonder at my ability to even sit through this movie.  And I will freely admit that I had to look away when they were nailing his hands to the cross.  Same thing as watching somebody get poked with a needle--I just can't do it.  But, surprisingly enough, that was the only part I couldn't watch.  The rest of it broke my heart and by the end of it I just wanted him to hurry up and die so he wouldn't be so hurt any more, and he could be at peace (and a little bit because all that blood was starting to gross me out...), but I watched it.  And just after he was done being beaten, and he was coated with so much blood that I would spend the rest of the movie wondering how in the world he could possibly still be alive, I was reminded that he could have stopped at any time.  Clearly, I knew that the first time I watched the movie, but this time it really struck me that he could have made it stop--and he didn't.  He didn't HAVE to go through with it.  He could have said no way.  He could have gotten halfway through it and decided that nobody was worth it (which is what I did the first time I watched it, and it's a good thing I'm not Jesus or nobody would be saved, because I do NOT have that kind of willpower), but he didn't.  He went through with it, because he knew that it was only temporary pain for an eternity of joy--with me.  He went through with it because he loves me and he didn't want ME to have to go through that.  And that's pretty freaking awesome.  Terrifying, in a way, and I can SO see the temptation to earn salvation after watching this movie again because there is definitely the temptation to try to make it up to him somehow (as if we ever could!), but it's incredibly reassuring.  

And it made me realize again that there's no reason to worry about anything, ever.  I mean, there's that verse in Matthew about "who of you by worrying can add one hour to his life or one inch to his height or one hair to his head" which we quote to each other and so forth, but it isn't as though it stops us from worrying.  But, really, how freeing Jesus' death is!  How much freedom there is in being saved!  I can live my life without fear, because the worst that can happen to me is death, and that's not so bad at all.  In fact, it's going to be quite awesome.  So if I can't make a decent living and I starve to death on the street, fine!  Don't mourn for me, I'll be hanging out with Jesus and it will be good.  And I'll get to glomp God, and then I can spend a few millennia hanging out with C. S. Lewis, and I can meet Grandpa Pieters and see Grandma Pieters again... and it's gonna be AMAZING!

And while that puts things in perspective as far as death is concerned, it also puts things in perspective as far as life is concerned.  A life without fear is awesome enough, but not only do I not have to be afraid, I also get to fight for my God here on earth, and share fellowship with other Christians, and you know, I've been incredibly blessed.  That's pretty amazing.

So, in such a mood as this, I'm going to tackle the most recent article Beth Beall wrote for the Voices of Sophia. Them's fightin' words, and I intend to fight back for my Lord.  If he can go through that for me, surely I can read her ideas and fight back for him--not because I'm paying him back, but because he's freed me up to do so!

God bless,
Jaya

Okay, so maybe famous is exaggerating a bit.  But I did just get this email from Sylvia, of Voices of Orthodox Women (www.vow.org):

Hi Brittany,

Just a note to let you know I've received several e-mails from California and Washington telling me they think your article is excellent.  I thought you'd like to know.

 

Sylvia

California and Washington?  Are you serious?  They think my work is excellent?  And that article was posted only this morning! That's amazing!  That's fantastic!  Huzzah for God!  *happy dance*  *pause to catch my breath*  *more happy dance*

Actually, I didn't think my article was all that excellent, to be quite honest.  It was good enough, but on re-reading even just the introduction this morning, there were some things that I would dearly love to go back and change.  But, hey, if it's making a difference, that's what matters.  Who cares if there were some wording issues?  God is bigger than diction.