Jots and Tittles

Yes, that's right, not only am I procrastinating on doing my homework, but I've decided to do NaNo despite it all.  Hence the userpic.  Who needs sleep, anyway?  Right?

So, in that spirit (the spirit of NaNo, that is), here is some radom plotting for the novel I plan to write, interspersed with random commentary (indented and in blue):

INTERVIEWS WITH MY CHARACTERS
NaNo 2006

Enter the butler, George Hanley, and the Almighty Authoress (aka ME)

George Hanely: This is George Hanley.

Almighty Authoress: Glad to meet you, Mr. Hanley.  Care to tell us about yourself?

GH: Must I?

AA: Um, yes.  That’s kind of the point.

Oh, good grief.  This does NOT bode well for the rest of the interview... stupid stubborn characters! 

GH: Very well. My name is George Hanley, I am the butler for Mr. Pebworth and have been for some time now.

AA: Ever since he was wealthy enough to afford one, if I remember correctly.

GH: Quite so.  I have been with Mr. Pebworth longer than any of his other employees.

AA: Really?  Hmm.  Interesting.  Well, Mr. Hanley (gosh that’s a long name, I might start calling you GH...)

GH: I wish you wouldn’t.

AA: How about George?

GH: *sigh* If you must.

Hmm.  George is kind of a cranky old man.  That was unexpected.

AA: Sweet.  So, George, I understand that you are not as trustworthy as Mr. Pebworth believes you to be.  Tell me more about that, will you?

GH: ...Will he have access to this interview?

*shifty eyes* Not like I have any reason to care, of course...  *shifty eyes*

AA: No indeed; this is for my eyes and mine alone.  I’m only trying to get a better understanding of your character, here.  I do, after all, have to write you, so I probably ought to capture your character quite well.

"Quite well"?  What was I ON?  If that's the kind of writing I spew out in October, I can only dread what will happen come November...

GH: I have your word, then, that no one but you will ever see this transcript?

AA: Yes, you do.

GH: Very well.  I am indeed trying to take enough money from Mr. Pebworth to retire properly.  I have not, of course, always been doing this in such a dishonest manner, but the man pays me next to nothing.  I have had only two raises in all the years I have worked for him!  How is a man to work in such conditions?  For as dismal a job as mine is, I deserve some more substantial compensation.  Besides, I am getting on in years.  I would like to retire soon.

AA: Um, I thought you were only like 35.

Yeah, I need to fix that.  The more I find out about this guy, the more he strikes me as like 50 or 60.  Definitely not in his 30s.  Besides, who's worried about his retirement at 35?!

GH: At the rate he’s paying me, I won’t be able to retire until I’m 80.

AA: Well, you’re a butler.  It’s not like your job is all that stressful or anything.

Yeah, because I know ANYTHING about being a butler.  Probably should research that...

GH: No?  Clearly you’ve never been a butler.  I don’t sit around all day waiting for the doorbell to ring, you know.  I have as much responsibility for the smooth running of Mr. Pebworth’s estate as the houskeeper herself, and nearly as much as even Mr. Pebworth. 

Again with the "I don't have a freaking clue what a butler does beyond answering the door" thing.  It's rather obvious, don't you think? *winces*

AA: Ah, yes, the housekeeper.  Linda Bradley, I believe.

Yeah, except I keep wanting to call her Laura, so she might get a random name change halfway through November.

GH: (darkly) Yes, that is her name.

AA: I understand that you and she have had something of a falling out.

GH: You could call it that, yes.

AA: Care to elaborate?

GH: No.

Stubborn old man, isn't he?  This is also known as me stalling, since I haven't really got much of an idea of what he's going to say.

AA: Too bad, do it anyway.  I need to know your character better than I do or I’ll wind up butchering it quite dreadfully.

GH: *sigh* If I must.  Miss Bradley was hired two years after I, about the time I began to realize that I would need to find my retirement funds through less... honest means.  I was able to keep it a secret for quite some time, at least three years, but she is far too curious for her own good.  The first housekeeper, Mrs. (DOESN’T HAVE A NAME YET), was much less intrusive into my personal affairs.  But Miss Bradley seems to think that we should work together to run the household, instead of allowing each person to do his tasks without interference.  I cannot begin to understand it.  For the first three years, I was able to keep her out of my end of the business, though I cannot say how much she snooped in the affairs of the rest of the staff!  After that, I suppose I just got sloppy.  Regardless of how it happened, she confronted me one day with the books I had altered.  I managed to secure her silence, but she was able to hold it over my head for quite a long time, and it was becoming more of a nuisance and a liability than anything else.  I had to do something.  So I’m going to get rid of her. 

Why does he sound like he's a wannabe Jane Austen character all of a sudden?  I don't get it! *cries* Why won't my characters behave?

AA: Well, that’s pretty dreadful of you.  But since I just realized that you die before the novel starts, I really don’t need to further your character that much at the moment.  Besides, I want to get to Linda and Percival.  They’ll be great fun.

Oh, yes, after a 200-word blurb about his evil plans, THEN you realize that he dies before the novel starts so there's no need to mess with his character yet?  Well done, oh Authoress! *rolls eyes*

GH: Gee, thanks for wasting my time. *sniff*

Yeah, that's kind of how I feel.  And hey!  What happened to the fake Jane Austen-ness?

AA: (cheerfully) You’re welcome! Next!

Gosh... I'm kind of a brat, aren't I?

Enter Percival Pebworth

Oh, I just love that name!  It's so very... snobbish.  And he's so very... clueless.  Besides, you can't go wrong with alliteration!

AA: Ah, the millionaire himself!  Welcome, Mr. Pebworth, I’m delighted to make your acquaintance.

PP: Thank you.  It is nice to be here.

AA: Now, now, Mr. Pebworth--or can I call you Mr. P?

PP: As you please, ma’m.

Um.............................................................. 'kay.

AA: Awesome.  Mr. P, then, I understand that you made your fortune in the restaurant business.  Is this correct?

PP: It is.  Seafood, to be precise.

AA:  I see.  And what is the name of your restaurant chain, if I may ask?

PP: Sea Shanty.

What the...? Sea Shanty?  It tried to be clever, it really did.  Sadly, it died a horribly tragic death in the effort and we are left to mourn its dismal remains: Sea Shanty.  Oi.

AA: Clever!  I like it.  Good.  And you are 30 years old, you said?

Did we not go over this?  Sea Shanty is NOT clever!

PP: I am.

AA: Ah-huh.  Hmm.  You’re not as easy to interview as George, you know.

PP: Oh, I’m dreadfully sorry!  It’s only that... well, I don’t really like talking to people.  I never know what to say, and it always frightens me. 

AA: Well, never mind all that.  You may be perfectly easy with me; I only want to get to know you better that I might write your character better.  I am the only one who will ever see this transcript.

And now I'm getting rather Austen-esque.  Glorious.

PP: But that means that this interview will be the only window you have into my character.

AA: Not at all!  I intend to learn much more about you as I write my novel.  I just need to determine a few things about you before I begin writing.  And anything said in this interview is subject to change at a moment’s notice.  There is no pressure whatsoever.  Only you must promise to be gentle with me, because I am certain to get your character horribly wrong at some point during November.  I will, of course, go back and change it, but the fact remains that you may act quite strange at some point.

PP: I’m not sure how I feel about that...

AA: Nonsense, it’s perfectly normal.  Every character goes through it at some point, it’s part of becoming a character!

PP: Well, if you say so...

AA: I certainly do.  Now, back to the questions.  Let’s start with something easy.  What’s your favorite seafood?

PP: I actually don’t like seafood that much... except for scallops and crab.  Sometimes.  I have to be in the mood.

AA: Really?  Well, that was unexpected.  Actually, come to think of it, this whole seafood thing was rather unexpected.  Good, work, Mr. P!

PP: Thanks.

AA: Okay, moving on... how about the lovely Miss Bradley?  What do you think of dear Linda?

PP: Linda... *sighs* *dreamy stare into space*

...

AA: Um, Mr. P?  Still with us?

PP: What? Oh!  Yes... Linda... my housekeeper... lovely woman.  Really, as dear a lady as I have ever met.  Someday, I will gather the courage to ask her to dinner.  It’s only that it’s so awkward, asking out an employee.  What if she feels obligated to accept me, just because she wants to keep her job?  That would be horrible!  Oh, but I can’t fire her and then date her.  That would be even worse.  Besides, I can’t imagine what she’d like in me.

*gags* Oh, the pre-teen angst!  WHY did I write this? 

AA: Besides your immense fortune?

Well, that and your dark curly hair, but that might just be me.  I have a bit of a crippling addiction for dark curly hair.  I blame Colin Firth.

PP: Oh, of course.  I mean, if that’s all she wants I don’t think I want her after all.  I need someone who loves me regardless.  Do you think Linda does?  I mean would?  I mean, you know...?

*dies* The angst!  Oh, the angst!  And I haven't even started writing yet!

AA: Dunno, haven’t interviewed her yet.

PP: *looks crestfallen*

AA: But don’t worry, I have every intention of bringing you two together by the end of the story!  You’re both too awesome to disappoint.

PP: Oh, good!  Um... disappoint?  What do you mean by that?  Would she be disappointed?

AA: Certainly, she likes you as much as you like her, only she doesn’t want to tell you for the same reasons you don’t want to tell her.

PP: Oh joy! Oh rapture!  Oh Linda!

Oh goodness!  What the heck, Percy?  You're supposed to be socially awkward, not ditzy and dumb!

AA: Shouldn’t have told you that.  Um, it’s time you forgot we had this conversation.  At least the bit about Linda.

PP: What were we talking about?

AA: Excellent.  I mean, we were talking about your butler, George.  And you were telling me about how he’s been working for you for longer than anyone else you employ.

***

In case you were wondering, this does NOT bode well for my novel.  Mr. Pebworth is supposed to be rather clueless, but this... this is bad. 

On the plus side, I'm not exactly writing this NaNo with any serious intent to publish, as I was last year, so if ninja llamas randomly show up, it's okay. ^_^  I plan, of course, to update here whenever I come up with something particularly dismal, and mock it ruthlessly, so that you can all enjoy it.  (That's why I uploaded the NaNo icon, so that I could use it whenever I start talking about NaNo stuff.) So there's something to look forward to!

And that's all for now.  I really need to at least pretend to do some homework.  Later days!

-Jaya-