Jots and Tittles

So, I was wandering around the NaNo forums, and I poked my head into the Religious, Spiritual and New Age forum just to see what was there. Given the name, I didn't have high hopes for the kinds of religion or spirituality I would find inside, but I was pleasantly surprised by the number of Christians who used that forum to encourage each other, discuss their stories, work out thorny doctrinal issues, and the like. It was really cool - I'll have to spend more time in there next year, maybe try my hand at something a bit more allegorical than I've done in the past.

But, in one of the threads, someone posted some guidelines which Christian publishers have put out for their romance novels. And I could not believe the sheer, willful ignorance of these people! Here is the list from Grace Publishing, excepting the manuscript formatting and submission guidelines (in other words, just content requirements):

Sexual tension should be kept to a minimum.

No doctrinal issues should be covered in your story.

No violence of any sort, unless it is integral to the story.

In Inspirational Romances, Christian characters, though not perfect, should not engage in alcohol consumption or cigarette smoking. Secondary non-Christian characters may engage in these activities, but they should not be viewed as positive.

Contemporary or Historical Romances will be considered. If you are submitting Historical Romance, include the period in your query.

Point of view can be first or third person, but only from the hero or heroine.

Furthermore, they do not want to see the following:

Stories that anthropomorphize God, or His angels.

Foul language. If you are unsure, be safe, and do not use the word.

Heroes that do not respect women. This includes stories in which the hero is redeemed.

Graphic violence.

Divorce that is not for Biblical reasons.

And, from Steeple Hill:

Each story should have a compelling mystery or a suspenseful situation threatening the hero and the heroine combined with an emotional, satisfying and mature romance; however, the characters should not make love unless they are married. Even if characters are married, lovemaking must occur offstage. (No love scenes, please.) Any physical interactions (i.e., kissing, hugging) should emphasize emotional tenderness rather than sexual desire. There should not be an excessive reliance on kissing scenes or use of words such as "desire," "need," etc. or a focus on specific body parts. Please avoid any mention of nudity.

Because Steeple Hill sells to both CBA and ABA bookstores, we must adhere to CBA conventions. The stories may not include alcohol consumption, dancing, card playing, gambling or games of chance (including raffles), explicit scatological terms, hero and heroine remaining overnight together alone, Halloween celebrations or magic, or the mention of intimate body parts. Lying is also problematical in the CBA market and characters who are Christian should not lie or deceive others. Possibly there could be exceptional circumstances (matters of life and death), but this has to be OK'd by an editor.

Now, all right, I guess the anthropomorphization thing can go either way - I can see why that would be dangerous territory.  But as for the rest of it, how realistic is that?  Sexual tension should be kept to a minimum?  How the dickens do you write a ROMANCE without incorporating sexual tension?  Just because your characters are Christian doesn't mean they automatically have all their sexual desires removed.  Christians struggle just as much - maybe more - as any secular couple does with sexual desire.  They just have a better reason to fight it.  Steeple Hill's are even worse.  What, exactly, constitutes an excessive use of the words "desire" and need"?  And the idea that hugs and kisses are ALWAYS indicative of emotions rather than desire is ridiculous.  We're Christians, not superhumans.  Sheesh.

And how the dickens are we supposed to not cover any doctrinal issues?  That sounds... impossible.  A Christian work has to cover some doctrine or what's the point of calling it Christian?  Boo.  No violence of any sort, unless it is integral to the story, which basically means you can have as much violence you want as long as it matters, and no good author is going to write anything in their story which is not integral to their story, so there's that.  Oh, and I love the one where Christian characters can't drink alcohol or smoke.  Because, you know, Christians never drink. *eyes bottle of peppermint schnapps on the counter warily* Nope.  Never, ever drink anything alcoholic.  *eyes story of Jesus turning water into wine suspiciously* Nope.  Christ sure would hate me if I had a glass of wine now and again.  I would never.  Um, ring, ring, hello? Clue phone for you!  Christians can drink alcohol!  Gasp, I know, but we're not all prohibitionists, and gasp, I know, but God isn't either.  Getting totally plastered on a regular basis, that's another thing, but even then, just because it's a difficult subject doesn't mean we should shy away from it.  Same goes for smoking: firstly, there's nothing in the Bible that says we can't.  Secondly, there is no reason a character can't be a Christian and a smoker. 

My favorite, though, is the one from Steeple Hill that bans, among other things, dancing, card playing, gambling, games of chance (in case card playing and gambling aren't games of chance, you know), Halloween celebrations, and having the hero and heroine spend the night in the same place together alone.  Because that's somehow different from having them spend the day together alone, you know.  *nods* Very different, especially because they're both ASLEEP and won't be doing ANYTHING.  So, if your hero and heroine are, say, trapped together in the mountains, struggling for survival, they better not cuddle at night to keep warm, because it's sure better to freeze to death than to sleep next to each other.  Gasp.  And they better not DANCE, oh no!  Not dancing!  Oh, God, why the dancing?  How dare we dance before the LORD as the Bible instructs?  How dare we enjoy ourselves!  Never mind that Psalm 149 says to "praise His name with the dance" and 150 says it again.  Never mind that Miriam led the women in a dance of thanks after God led them from Egypt.  Never mind that David danced before the LORD in 2 Samuel when they brought the ark into the city (and Saul's daughter thought him a fool for doing it, but he knew better).  Nope, no dancing.  Dancing is evil.  *nods*  Eeeevvvvviiiiillllllll.  Oh, yeah, and no playing games, no Munchkin and no Go Fish and certainly no Risk (after all, what says "game of chance" better than Risk?).  No Halloween, even if you are just dressing your kids up in fun costumes and takeng them around to get candy from friendly neighbors.  In fact, no fun at all, because that's not what God wants of us, nosireebob.  Christians aren't allowed to be lighthearted and fun.  They have to be somber and slow and boring ALL. THE. TIME. 

And, oh yeah, no lying.  Because all Christians are perfect and they never ever lie, never ever.  Ever.  Except, you know, when it's a life-or-death thing, and then they somehow break character and lie.  Sorry, but that's not how reality works, and sometimes, in fiction, a little deception is absolutely necessary to the plot.  People don't tell each other everything, they just don't.

And, yet, somehow they think they're going to get compelling stories out of this?  Um, howsabout NO.  Let's see, my most recent NaNo breaks the rules in that it:

• has dancing
• has alcohol
• has two characters who desire each other
• has lots of violence - Sarah kills her stepmom in the end
• has sympathetic/good characters who lie (Sarah re-enters her home in disguise under an assumed name and false history)
  
• covers some doctrinal issues (granted, those will probably get cut in the re-write, but still).

So, maybe a Christian publishing house would be a bad place for me, if the PC demons of the Christian world have infiltrated.  Because, honestly, the point of fiction is not to sanitize everything.  Fiction is supposed to reflect some aspect of reality, not reinvent it!  Have some Christian hypocrites in your story, they exist!  Have a Christian get divorced for reasons other than adultery.  It happens.  That's the reality of the situation.  The greater reality is that God can take these flawed and fallen humans and write an AMAZING story with them.  And if dancing, drinking divorcees are good enough that God can work with them, well, they're good enough that I can work with them, too. 

I have a feeling that, even if I do wind up working in an allegory to my novel like I kind of want to, I won't be submitting it to either of these Christian houses.  And if others turn out to be like them, well, I'll have to submit to a secular market.  Because that's ridiculous.

-Jaya-