Jots and Tittles

So, because I didn't write a formal research paper for my thesis, I get to instead write a formal reflection paper, reflecting on my experience writing the thesis. Seven pages, in fact, of reflecting on my experience writing the thesis.

It's 1 in the morning. I'm tired. My fingers hurt. I got to six and a half pages, and finally I snapped, and wrote the following.

Still, with as much of a struggle as it was, I am glad that I did it. I have learned how to play the game and tell all you silly university folks exactly what you want to hear, which I am sure will do wonders for me when I am someday trying to claw my way up the corporate ladder and have to bullshit my way though that like I managed to do for school. Hooray for the honors program which has taught me how to bullshit better than most. I am sure the skill will come in handy when I have to bullshit my way into a career I don't really want so that I can stay alive. Whoop de friggen do. Let's throw Brittany a party, because she has learned how to play the game better than anyone else we know! Some days I feel like Comicus from History of the World Part 1. I swear, that's my future. "Did you bullshit last week?" "No." "Did you try to bullshit last week?" "Yes." Only in my case I will have succeeded in bullshitting last week because the honors program did such a grand job at teaching me how. Well done, honors program! You have another little stooge to call your very own graduate! You must be so proud.

Of course, I didn't actually leave that in there, because it's not what they want to hear, and didn't I say that I'm a master at telling them what they want to hear?  But it was tempting.  Reeeeaaaaallllllyyyyyy tempting.

Like I said, I snapped!  It's been a week from hell and next week isn't looking to be very much better.  Thank goodness I have the ball this weekend or I might go bonkers altogether, and wouldn't that be fun?

-Jaya-

So, I was running to the Weber building before Goddess Religions today so that I could print off the review sheets for the final, which we were supposed to go over during class (we didn't; I was mad).  Apparently, however, I had not zipped up my backpack all the way, and it was hanging open.  As I walked, I felt my laptop slip into an increasingly awkward and uncomfortable angle, and when I began to take my backpack off, the unthinkable happened - my laptop slipped out and before I could register what happened, it crashed to the sidewalk in the middle of the Oval.  It seemed to happen in slow motion, the laptop slipping out, its corner hitting the sidewalk, the lid coming open, the aftermath of my poor computer sitting forlornly on the pavement, its lid half-open as though gasping for breath.  I knew that ThinkPads are supposed to be tough, but I was still afraid that I had just ruined a new laptop and would be faced with the incredibly awkward situation of explaining to my parents why I needed either extensive repairs on my computer or a new machine altogether.  Still, I was running late to class, so I scooped it up and shoved it back in my backpack, assuming I'd find out when I got to class whether it still worked.

I printed off my pages and made it to class with just minutes to spare, sat down and started setting up. I held my breath as I pressed the power button and waited for it to wake up (I don't shut it down before class, but put it to sleep because it's up and running faster on arrival that way) - and it was fine.

Yep, that's right.  My laptop hit the pavement with enough force to embed a pebble into its casing (I have proof because there is, in fact, a pebble embedded in its casing and if I had a way to take a picture and upload it, I would), and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it except for the few scratches and dents on that one corner.  I'd said before that the reason I got a ThinkPad to begin with is because I take my laptop everywhere with me and they are known for being durable, but this sucker is a friggen TANK.  Jump on YouTube for a few minutes and watch some of the videos for stress tests of Lenovo ThinkPads - the one linked shows them crashing one into a wall at 35 mph, you can watch on the high-speed footage as the casing bent like a shirt blowing in the breeze, and they were still able to get the data off the thing.  The keyboard is built so that spills go right through and come out through the bottom (which came in handy once...) and you can walk on the keyboard without doing irreparable damage - yes, there's a video of that, too).  I wouldn't recommend abusing it that much, of course, but accidents happen, and this laptop is strong enough to handle them.

For those of you who are wondering, I have a Lenovo ThinkPad Z61m, purchased just this fall after my old Toshiba Satellite (the link takes you to a similar machine - I couldn't find the exact one but this gets linked for being closest and having an image from ANH on the screen) finally went to the digital version of the happy hunting ground - let me tell you, I was almost relieved when it finally put itself out of my misery!  The ThinkPad is faster than the Toshiba could ever have hoped to be, weighs less, has more than twice the RAM, is more reliable, and (obviously!) is more durable.  I would like to have one of those fancy touch-screen laptops like my mom has, but those things are notoriously fragile, and I need something that can withstand some punishment because with as much as my laptop travels, punishment is bound to happen, like it did today.  Looks like I found the right machine for the job.

We - meaning Troy and I - are thinking of partitioning the hard drive this summer so that I can dual-boot Vista and Linux, probably some form of Ubuntu, and learn my way around it.  I have wanted to learn my way around Linux for some time, primarily because it's open-source and often free, like most of the software I use (Firefox, Pidgin, and Open Office are the three big ones, though even the stuff I have that isn't open-source is free: iTunes, AVG, Spybot, Ad-Aware, etc.), and that often means that it's more customizable and more stable, both of which I like.  While there might be some software I use that isn't made for Linux (RoughDraft and Q10 come to mind, which is sad because I've really enjoyed using them), there are almost always alternatives that will do just fine for me (YWriter4 is a program I have used and actually did like, though it is more practical for editing than the frantic drafting that comes with NaNoWriMo).  The problem with Linux is that it takes some getting used to, and its users often are expected to know more about computers and programming than I do.  (That is, of course, a generalization which is bound to be false in some cases... but still.)  So, in order to learn my way around Linux, I'd have to learn a thing or three about computers - which is totally fine with me, and I'd like to know more, but it'll take some doing.  Incidentally, that's why I'd like to start with a dual-boot of Vista and Linux, because that way if there winds up being something I can't figure out on Linux, I can switch over to Windows and do it there - and I can do NaNoWriMo in RoughDraft or Q10 as I would prefer to.

Now, partitioning my hard drive is kind of a big deal, and I'm CERTAINLY not doing it until I've graduated and can stand to lose use of my computer for more than five minutes in case something goes wrong (though everything is getting backed up in Gmail and on my external hard drive and my iPod, if there's room, because I don't want to lose it!).  But it's a thought for the future.  And, who knows?  Maybe the next computer I have will be one I've built.  Wouldn't that be sweet?

I never thought I'd turn into the computer-savvy geek that apparently I want to be.  But working with Rosie has shown me that I've got a head for the basics of this stuff, and while there are some things that are beyond my ken right now, there are plenty of other things I can handle on my own perfectly well.  Besides, building my own computer and running it with a free operating system using a bunch of free software is way cheaper than going the store-bought route, and I'll wind up with a better machine, customized for my personal needs.  I'm all kinds of down with that.

Anyway, that was a nice little break from homework.  And now, back to the papers!  There are still plenty begging to be written! *frantically writing*

-Jaya-

I think that speaks for itself.

There's a ball next Saturday night.  And I've talked Troy into taking me.

Now, I've known about this ball for more than a year.  It's an annual event, put on by Colorado State and Friends of Traditional Dance, and last year a very dear friend of mine asked me to go with her, knowing that I would simply adore the whole thing, but I couldn't because I was going to the Loreena McKennitt concert with my dad. (Which was also fantastic and I don't regret for a second missing the ball for that.)  This year, however, I had no such conflict, and I have a boyfriend who could be talked in to indulging my silly fantasy for a night.  I've been going back and forth, trying to decide what dress to wear, how to do my hair, what shoes I'll want for dancing the night away, the whole nine yards.  I've almost decided on the black empire-waisted dress from my senior prom, assuming it still fits properly.  S'pose I should figure that out before too long.  But if I wear that one, I can wear my favorite black heels (oh, they're so lovely!), and bring my little black purse.  Yael agreed to do my hair like Jane's in Pride and Prejudice, and I bought some pretty fingernail appliqués from King Soopers (they're cheap, but it's only for one night anyway).  Sure, it's the Saturday before Finals week, but you know something, I just don't care.  This is my last semester of college, I've NEVER been to a dance with a date, and this one includes dance cards and live music by the Mostly Strauss Orchestra, also known as the Denver Pops.  I can't begin to express how delighted I am at the sheer idea.  I know that Troy can barely waltz, and honestly I'm not much better, but at this point that doesn't even matter.  I'm just excited to be going.

Because of all this, lately Troy has affectionately and teasingly diagnosed me with a Cinderella complex.  I'm not entirely sure he knows what that means, actually, because a desire to get dressed up in pretty dresses and go dancing has very little to do with a hidden fear of independence.  It has a lot more to do with being a very girly girl, and loving every second of it.

I think it's been well-established by this point that I am every feminist's worst nightmare.  And that I delight in being so.  I simply love the idea of being a good wife and mother someday, and if I was required to wear a dress every day I would be first in line to burn every pair of pants I own.  No higher compliment can come my way than to hear that I am considered a classy lady.  Climbing the corporate ladder has never held any attraction for me, and honestly I don't much want a job if I can get away with it.  (I probably can't, which makes me very sad, but if I could, I would.  And I know some of you are thinking, "Jaina, you'll go nuts if you don't have any intellectual stimulation!"  Which is true - thankfully, I have this fantastic internet contraption which provides more intellectual stimulation than I could ever need.  And it's not as though I don't intend to have friends or anything.  Everyone needs a break now and then.  I just don't want a job like everyone seems to think I should.)  I do want someone to take care of me, but it's less because I have some fear of independence and more because I want to have the time I would have spent taking care of myself to be spent taking care of others.  I'm not saying I don't fear independence at all, because I do.  I'm a college student for only a few more weeks, and after that I have to grow up some more, which frightens me a lot.  But it's not the sort of paralyzing fear which forces me to seek out people who will take care of me because I can't function if I have to take care of myself.  I'll do it, and I'll probably do very well at it, because I'm a smart young lady and - more importantly - I have an awesome God looking out for me and making sure that I am provided-for. 

So, do I have a Cinderella complex?  I don't know - whatever fear of independence I have probably isn't enough to warrant calling it a complex.  And, honestly, from what I can tell, this particular "complex" has received criticism in recent years for oversimplifying matters too much.  Besides, it seems to me that a fear of independence and a desire to be taken care of can be seen in a very good light - if I am afraid to be independent of God and want him to take care of me (as I know he will), is that such a bad thing? But I do know that, whatever I have, I'm very okay with it.  I'm a very strange person, and I'm glad of it.  I actually quite like the way I am - not that there aren't plenty of things I would change about me, but it's not like I wish I could just scrap the whole damn mess and start over.  Who I am, fundamentally, at the core, I pretty much like.  There's a lot of sin there and there's a lot of imperfections which drive me, God, and probably everyone else absolutely bonkers, but that stuff is the flesh, it's not me.  I do it, and I struggle with it, but it's not me.  Gah - Paul articulated this so much better than I could.  It's in Romans 7.  For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. (Rom 7:15-17)  Along those lines. 

Anyway, the point is, God made me as I am, and I think he did a pretty good job - "Cinderella complex" notwithstanding.

Got a letter from Fuller yesterday afternoon, which I didn't read until last night.

I've been accepted to Fuller Northwest!  Hooray!  So that means that I'll be in Seattle come the fall, unless I hear back from the housing folks in Pasadena and transfer myself down there.  Honestly, I'd rather be in Seattle, but if I get housing in Pasadena I'll go there instead.  Still, God has done some amazing things in the past few days.  I heard back from Group and they want to pursue an internship with me, after I had given up all hope of that.  Then I heard from my friend Rachel who might have a place for me to live this summer, meaning I wouldn't have to commute from Brighton, which seeing as how gas prices are so freaking high might well be more expensive than living here, especially if I take the bus and a bike to Loveland from Fort Collins rather than drive.  And it means that I get to stay with my friends and don't have to go back to the boonies of Brighton where I'm not really friends with anyone anymore and I'd feel so dreadfully out of the loop and lonely.  So that's happy.  And now I hear back from Fuller, who is happy to accept me.  Hooray, hooray, hooray!  It's so nice to have things work out!  Thank you so, so much, God, that things are working out!  Forgive me for ever having doubted that they would.  And please let me get the job with Group.  I know that whatever happens is completely in your control - and you've brought me this far, which is AWESOME, so I have no doubt that you'll bring me the rest of the way to where I need to be.  ^.^

-Jaya-

So, I don't know about you, but I think the most annoying thing in the world is to open my mailbox and find nothing useful inside, yet nevertheless find it stuffed with junk mail.

These guys have come up with a clever way of fighting back:

http://www.dearbulkmailer.com/

 

Now, I know that some of you are going, wait, that's not very nice.  Well, neither is wasting my life with piles of worthless junk which I will never use.  I figure, if you're going to annoy me to no end, waste a bunch of resources, time and money to print and mail this crap out, well, you have obviously got enough money to pay the post office for your receipt of a brick, courtesy of the disgruntled consumer whose life is already more complicated than it needs to be.  Here's the rationale from the site:

-Since these companies pay the post office, this lightens the load taxpayers need to pay to keep the post office operating

-This creates employment opportunities. The post office keeps cutting staff because of lack of business; this gives the post office a huge source of income from the credit card scam companies.

-This will lead to more cautious bulk mailing. Maybe these junk mailers simply don't know they are annoying people? Hopefully they will learn very quickly!

-This makes me laugh maniacally, like a cartoon supervillan.

-This saves trees. Once enough of us do this, the junk mail companies will stop sending us junk. Or at least they will be more discriminate about it. It will save trees and keep the landfills empty! Yay!

-If we do this enough, the USPS will make so much money, that they will lower postage costs.

Ok, that last one isn't very likely.  But I especially like the third-to-last one - oddly enough, it has the same effect on me!

...Find me a box and a brick!

Got the GR paper back today.  A+.  She LOVED it.  Hooray for being intentionally vague.  Now, maybe I'll be able to repeat that accomplishment with my thesis and be done with it.  But I am shocked that she gave me an A+ because that paper was NOT that good.  It was very rambling and pointless.  But whatever.  I'll take it.  Takes some of the pressure off for the final, anyway. 

At the moment, we're "discussing" Mark Twain's The Diaries of Adam and Eve (which means exchanging blasphemies).  Woo.  I guess I'll find a way to pull through, I've made it this far.

I don't know whether I'm even coherent at this point. I watched "Chicken Chicken Chicken" on YouTube today and giggled for at least 20 minutes at the thought of doing it for my thesis presentation. It's not THAT funny... except it really is, in a completely ridiculous way. Actually, at this point, I could probably listen to freakin' "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" and understand the deep and profound meaning behind the lyrics. And I'm not even on any mind-altering substances, unless you count a severe lack of sleep and several weeks' worth of school-induced stress. So maybe I'm not the best authority.

Anyway, considering that, the following sounds pretty darn good to me. Perhaps I will view it in a month and realize that I might have unknowingly inhaled any number of mind-altering substances, because the only other explanation for my current state of mind is multiple alien abductions, and as much as I love the X-Files I don't really believe in alien abductions.  ...Most days.

But I'm going to turn it in to my GR teacher tomorrow as my second-to-last journal entry, and it's going to be freaking sweet. Especially the part about abortion. I think I toned it down a bit, especially toward the beginning when I thought I might still care, but by the time I got to the abortion bit I pretty much decided, you know what, screw it, I'm right anyway so who cares what she thinks. And then I realized what I'd done and backed off toward the end. But still.

Well, maybe you should read it for yourself.

( Penultimate GR Journal OF DOOM, because everything's cooler when you add OF DOOM to the end. )

So, there you have it.  I'd like to say that it's pretty good but I'm really in no position to judge.  When I first wrote it I thought, "Wow! That's really amazing!  I'm going to post it on the LJ for all to see!" and now that I've posted it I'm thinking, "Hmm, maybe this was a bad idea..." but it's 2:30 in the morning and I still have reading to do before I can sleep.  So I'm going to go ahead and post it, and we'll hash out the details of whether that was a good idea some other time, eh?  All righty then. 

Peace out.

-Jaya-

It's been a really, really, really, really, really long week, and I only have 4 pages of my Sophia paper written. You know, the one that's supposed to be 20 pages long.

So I was taking a break, because it seemed the logical thing to do at the time. Actually, it really was, because my brain was so fried that trying to work would have resulted in a bunch of gibberish that I would later have to cut out, anyway, and completely defeat the purpose.

Anyway, the point of all that is, I found these. And I thought I would share, because they are that awesome. Especially the last one. Bwaha.

ESB Sweded Even if you don't know what "sweded" means - you'll enjoy. And you'll know when you watch.
X-Files Movie Trailer leaked! The name might be lame, but the movie looks sweet!
Crazy lady thinks she deserves something other than a slap upside the head This one is more sad than awesome... but amusing.
Robot Chicken does Star Wars - the trailer  Sometimes rude, sometimes crude, but I gotta hand it to these guys.  It is funny.
3-Year-Old on ANH If I were there, I would be giving her the biggest hug EVER. She is ADORABLE. :D

And now, BACK TO WORK! *whips self*

-Jaya-

I only have about half an hour to write this, so it won't be as in-depth as I would like.  However, since my Goddess Religions professor was kind enough to attempt to indoctrinate me regarding her position on abortion, I thought I would air my own views on the subject.  It shouldn't take long; they are quite simple.

If you're looking for a very long, in-depth, thorough and (in my own humble opinion) excellent defense of the pro-life position, I suggest reading Rebecca Kiessling's essay.  I especially like her reasoning regarding partial-birth and other late-term abortions - at that point, it has NOTHING to do with the mother's body, as it's quite possible to deliver the child by c-section or inducing labor, and in many cases the child stands a chance to live.  In those cases, is it not the obligation of the mother to attempt to preserve life where it is clearly possible to do so?  What right does the mother have to dictate that this child be killed, when very little effort on her part will secure its survival (or at least make survival possible)?  If she wants to avoid raising it, there are plenty of adoption agencies out there which would be glad to help her find a home for her child.  At that point, it is nothing but sheer, selfish laziness that is prompting the mother to seek abortion.

My point of view on the matter is somewhat simpler.  The only time in which abortion is permissible is when the mother's or the child's life is threatened by carrying the baby full term.  In the case of the mother, she has the right to act in what is, essentially, self-defense, and save her own life at the cost of another's, assuming that is the only way she can save herself.  I may not like it, but I will grant that right.  In the case of the child, well, if it won't survive the birth anyway, why make the mother suffer through a pregnancy that will come to nothing?  However, in all other cases - including that of rape - while the inconvenience of a nine-month pregnancy may be unappealing, that is absolutely NO reason to deprive an innocent child of its life.  The child is not the guilty party in the matter, regardless of how one thinks of it.  And honestly, the majority of abortions are done in cases where it was simply inconvenient for the woman to be pregnant, for whatever reason, and she puts her own personal comfort and ease ahead of another person's life, for which she is wholly responsible and with which she has been entrusted its sole care.  That's not only selfish to the extreme, but it's quite sick.  Kiessling gives an example of a man snowed in to a cabin with a child who is too small to reach any of the food stored in the cupboards, for nine months.  If he were to refuse to get food for the child because it would inconvenience him (perhaps he has a bum shoulder which makes reaching up to the cupboards painful), and the child starved to death because of his inaction, would not everyone be up in arms?  He has the means to provide for this child, and while it may have been inconvenient for him to do so, that does not absolve him of the responsibility to do it. 

It frustrates me to no end to hear all these women saying that "it's my right to choose what happens to my body."  What kind of selfish, unfeeling, stuck-up, evil person are you?  How dare you?  Nothing angers me quite like that. 

But anyway.  I should head to class.  Just thought I'd get that off my chest.  :)

-Jaya-

Momma, I Wanna Live

I think that speaks for itself.

I can't believe it.

Wait - strike that.  I can believe it, which makes it all the more depressing.  While I was looking online for the rubric for an upcoming Goddess Religions assignment, I stumbled across another article posted on the class's electronic reserve page.  This article is called "A Consistent Life Ethic?: Supporting Life After Birth" and is by Rosemary Radford Ruether, and can be found for free on this page.  Considering that, on the class page, the article is referred to as "Abortion/Ruether," I of course was immediately curious, and opened it up.

Actually, the article itself is pretty impressive, when you consider that it manages to spend two pages critiquing the Catholic church without once even mentioning the Bible or anything even vaguely resembling God, AND that it covers almost every single one of the liberal hot issues: abortion, the war in Iraq (and with it the nation's completely failure to do anything good, in her not-so-humble opinion), global climate change, global disarmament, unfair distribution of wealth... am I missing anything?  On second thought, it's not that special after all - she just shoved God out of the picture to make room for her pet issues.  Typical.

I could spend a long time pulling apart her argument, especially her criticism that, because people will do it anyway, we should just concede that abortions are ok.  That's very much like saying ,well, people will murder anyway, so we might as well make them legal, since it's not going to stop anything anyway.  She cites some horrific case of a mother of three who was imprisoned for getting an abortion in some other country, and her three children were of course left completely helpless as she languished in jail. Depressing, certainly, and by no means is that the best way to go about punishing a woman for her bad decision - but does that mean that she is not in the wrong for choosing to end the child's life rather than seeking help?  One of the girls who went on the Arizona mission trip with me shared her story - she was adopted, and her birth mother had had several abortions before becoming pregnant with my friend.  She didn't say why her mother chose not to abort her, either, but she stated very clearly that she recognizes how easily she might have been aborted, too.  No wonder she is against abortion.

 But I digress.  Regardless of whether or not I agree with a single word the Ruether says, what on earth is this article doing in my course reserves?  Granted, it's not required reading - at least, not that I have seen so far.  But, despite the fact that Ruether is a well-known feminist theologian, whose arguments I have encountered and refuted before, this article mentions nothing that is even vaguely related to goddesses OR religion.  So, what is it doing on a list of  offered readings for a goddess religions class?  I'm no rocket scientist, but even I can clearly see that this article is way out of line.  There is no reason whatsoever for her to post this other than to foist her own political beliefs onto us, her unwitting students.  Never mind that most of the people in my class probably agree with the article.  Never mind that it isn't required reading.  This is WAY outside the scope of the class and has absolutely NO reason to be on that list.  This sort of thing makes me absolutely livid.  It's exactly what Indoctrinate-U is all about.

If I was not so close to graduation that I am scared of saying anything that would potentially jeopardize my  chances of being done (I do need this class to graduate, sadly),  I would try to do something about this.  As it is, while I was already planning to give a scathing review on the course evaluations at the end of the semester, I now must remember to include this, as well.  Perhaps I will included something to the effect of, 'Dr. Mitchell, I suggest you listen to the Right Brothers' song entitled "SHUT UP AND TEACH."'

It's almost too bad that I already have a calling.  Otherwise, I might consider contacting Evan Maloney and seeing if he needed any help fighting the liberal indoctrination going on in our universities, because this is just plain wrong, folks.  And it needs to stop.

-Jaya-

I'll get to some substance later.  Right now, I need some haiku-style complaining about Goddess Religions.  We're a little bit behind in class, but the reading for today was about God and Genesis.  The "tribal Yahweh," as Mitchell calls it. 

The attacks are back
God is not respected here
they cut Him to bits.

Why is it so cool
to try to make God look like
a complete moron?

Or make Him a mean,
evil, corrupt, and worthless
patriarchal jerk?

That is not my God!
My Father is kind, loving,
majestic and good.

He is a savior,
extending His love to all,
who are unworthy.

He is vengeful, yes,
He has every right when His
perfection is wronged.

But we deserve more
than even the wrath we get;
His love protects us.

Just because His Book
reflects the myths of the
goddesses of old...

...this does not mean that
they are not true - they are
Truths behind the myths.

They can't both be true
but that doesn't mean that both
must be wholly false.

There is nothing that
frustrates me more than seeing
these dumb arguments.

In case you can't tell, I found the reading for this week very frustrating.  It was all about how this stupid Hebrew god shows up and ousts all the goddesses, eradicating so much of the rich beauty of the previous religions and replacing it with the stark, ugly evil of Patriarchy.  With a capital P.

Grr. 

I really struggle with this crap.  It gets to me on more than an intellectual level, and frustrates me to no end.  Thank God that the moment I step outside, I can take a deep breath, revel in God's creation, and know that He is God, no matter what these stupid books tell me.  Sometimes, I have to cling to a truth as though it was nothing more than dogma, not because it is but because that's the only way I can deal with it without losing my head.  Only later, after the fact, can I look at the arguments being made and refute them logically.  My first reaction is to freeze up and panic, and the only way I can save myself is to cling to what I know is true.  So that's what I'll do when I get out of class today - I'm going to cling to the Truth and I'll deal with the lies later.

-Jaya-

P.S. As a rather irrelevant side note, what on EARTH is my teacher wearing today?  That's got to be the most hideous thing I've seen in a long time.  Shiny bronze MC Hammer-esque pants with a velvet-looking shirt that hangs down low  and completely destroys any form she might have had to her body.  Ick - looks like a wannabe Aladdin or... something.  Wow.  I'm quite at a loss for words to describe it.

I have been thinking about this particular subject an awful lot lately, as it seems to be cropping up everywhere.  One of the biggest problems I see cropping up in modern Christianity is a desire to rob God of His majesty, His glory, and His dignity to make Him more "approachable."  We see this in many modern praise songs, where the swelling tones and triumphant words of the old hymns are replaced with wimpy chords and repetitive dribble.  When I was home this Easter, I got from my parents a copy of a CD set called "More than 50 Most-Loved Hymns," and have listened to it several times through while driving around. And I noticed that most of those hymns, familiar to me as they are, still managed to make my heart swell to bursting with the sense of majesty and glory they imparted.  Think of singing "All Praise to Thee" or "Jesus Christ is Risen Today" - do you know the sensation I mean?  It often comes with the last verse, when there's usually a key change, and the entire piece builds to this crescendo that just explodes with power and you're practically shouting instead of singing because it's that exhilarating. It even comes at the end of hymns like "Be Thou My Vision," whose last verse goes like this:

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

This is back before key changes had the cheesy connotation they do now, and instead denoted a climax to the piece that increased its intensity and majesty.  Oh, I wish I could play some of it for you so that you would understand what I mean!  I can only pray that you do. If you don't, spend some time on SeeqPod and see if you can find some of the music I'm talking about - usually it's accompanied by an organ or a full orchestra, though sometimes you'll get something with bagpipes that's pretty nifty.  It's rather difficult to find if you don't know the names of the hymns you want (and even then, you go through a lot of bad ones before reaching a decent rendition) - I suggest starting with something really common, or something like the Hallelujah Chorus.  This sort of music worships God in a dignified, majestic, even stately manner - yet the worship is no less fervent for that.  Contrast this with the limp vocals of "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever."  Need I say more?  God is loving, and nice, and sometimes even sovereign and powerful, but no longer does he have the dignity afforded him in the old hymns.

This trend is not limited, however, simply to music.  In books, too, I find it runs rampant.  I recently reviewed John and Stasi Eldredge's Captivating, which is a perfect example of this sort of thing.  Another is a book which I have not read myself, but judging by what people have said in reviews and synopses, it's a dreadful shambles of bad theology that aims to take from God all majesty and glory He has ever possessed.  The book is called The Shack and represents God as three people: the Father has been replaced by "Papa," an African-American woman who, when not going by gender-bending familial names, goes by "Elousia"; Jesus, a Middle-Eastern man (though, by all accounts, a rather effeminate man), and the Holy Spirit, an Asian-American woman named Sarayu.  Now, anyone with half a brain and the capacity to read can find out in about ten minutes of browsing the Bible that this is completely ridiculous.  Apart from my usual complaints about God being portrayed as a woman (although, at least the book goes so far as to admit that this world is in need of some masculine role models and God provides that), with which we won't bother just now, here again we have this problem that God has been completely stripped of all majesty, dignity and glory to provide us with someone who is a little bit more manageable.  This god is friendly, sweet, never gets mad, likes hugs, is kind of clumsy (Jesus is, anyway), and, while seems to be fun to hang out with, isn't exactly, you know, powerful or wrathful or even dignified or majestic or glorious. 

I think the reason for all this is simple: it's way easier to deal with a really cool "Papa" who's hip six ways from Sunday and never wants us to be anything other than who we are.  We don't want God to be majestic, dignified, or glorious, because that means He's better than us and that we need to treat Him with respect.  Respect, for all it's tossed around these days, isn't something we much like to give to anyone.  It's cooler to just slack off and diss everyone.  Easier, too, because no one will listen to someone they don't respect.

God, however, deserves our respect, and He's not getting it.  The symptom I've pointed out here may manifest itself in many different ways, but it points clearly to the loss of respect we have as a culture for God, and that's very frustrating to me.  I'd much rather sing praises to God that fill me with awe at his majesty of which that music is only a glimpse, and read books that challenge me to think about a Being I can never fully comprehend, than to sing songs and read books that put God in a nice little box that I can carry around in my pill case and take it out when I need a fix.

-Jaya-

One more note.  I was playing on SeeqPod and found a version of the Hallelujah Chorus by Dan Sindel which is just SWEET.  DJ will love it.  It's a little slow, and I'm not sure what it does for the dignity of God as portrayed in the original version, but it's STILL a darn sight more majestic and glorious than the "Jesus is my boyfriend" music.  ROCK ON, JESUS! ^.~  And if you're looking for a good version of the original, look for the one by Drexel Choruses.

Hello again!  I feel like I haven't posted in ages.  (That's probably because I haven't.)  I suppose some accounting for the last couple of weeks is due.  So, here goes.


And other than that, this past week has been spent playing catch-up.  I discovered that NavPress is not offering any internships for Summer 2008, which is sad, but then Cindy Frost told me that I should check out working at Highlands to get some ministry experience, which is a really good idea because, while I will never be not practicing writing (I'd probably explode if I couldn't write), I can have too little ministry experience, and this would be a good opportunity for me to build up my experience in that area.  So, while I'm still open to suggestions (and if anyone has suggestions or recommendations for internships for me this summer, preferably someone who would be ok with me going to the General Assembly for a week in June, let me know!), at the moment, I'm thinking I might wind up at Highlands. 

Oh, one last thing.  I read The Red Tent this week.  I was disappointed, to say the least.  Rife with goddess worship (and thanks to my class, I recognize most of the goddesses mentioned...), the book displays a sort of secret women's cult which centers around the red tent, and the men are portrayed primarily as boorish, overbearing, cruel and stupid - especially the men of Abraham's family.  Rebekah (or Rebecca, as it is in the book, since the author has this odd need to spell EVERYTHING differently from the way it's spelled in the Bible) is a pagan oracle and her husband Isaac is a ridiculous old figure worthy of no one's respect.  In fact, the only men who are worthy of respect are the Egyptian ones.  I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.  This book was recommended to me by someone who was, in retrospect, almost certainly hostile toward Christianity and would have been delighted to read a story which demeans the Biblical men and their God. 

If it had been a good story, perhaps I could have seen past these flaws and at least appreciated the storytelling skill of the author, but I really couldn't.  Diamant's voice through Dinah is exactly that postmodern, pretentious, everything-I-say-is-this-profound-revelation tone that I absolutely loathe (and which, to a lesser extent, can also be found in Blue Like Jazz, which affected my fondness for that book, also), and I found none of the characters particularly engaging except Dinah's first husband, who of course was killed by her brothers shortly after we meet him.  Go figure.

So, anyway, there is an overview of the past couple of weeks for you.  And now, back to the thesis!

-Jaya-

http://www.ldolphin.org/audio/agape.mp3

I've begun to rediscover my love for C. S. Lewis.  It's funny - the last time I was at Barnes and Noble, I was thinking about getting another of his books, and Ashley told me to get something else, because I have too much Lewis already.  But I can't help it!  He and I are kindred spirits in some - many - ways.  Right down to the quote I found of him last night saying, "You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me." 

It's funny, though, because as many times as I have dreamed of having a conversation with the man, I haven't ever imagined him sounding anything like that.  Especially not that accent - there's some stupid American prejudice saying that particular accent is very hoity-toity, very stuck up and pretentious.  But I've come to enjoy it - he speaks very clearly and of course I love what he has to say.

This particular clip is about just that: love.  It's challenged me to rethink my craving for love and what I really need, as opposed to what I think I want.  I find that even Lewis is somewhat steeped in the mysticism tradition (no great surprise, considering his interests and profession), which is somewhat frustrating, but I have come to a point where I have to begin learning to look past the romantic mysticism and into the truth that might be lurking behind it.  Lewis is good practice for that, because he has a lot of excellent thoughts and expresses himself very well.  And he makes me smile.  So that's good.

One not-terribly-related side note.  I looked up my Media and Culture book on Amazon.com, to see what people had to say about it.  One review contained this sentence: "The author doesn't always keep his liberal agenda well hidden, but that is perhaps forgiveable (sic) in an age of increasingly conserative (sic) media."

Wow.  Can you say, deluded much?  Have you read the news lately?  Granted, on a college campus I'm in something of a liberal stronghold so maybe all I see is liberal media, but WOW.  I know the politics of most mainstream media, and they are not conservative by any stretch of the imagination.  Just, wow.

I repeat my emphasis of before.  Watch Indoctrinate-U.  The truth will set us free, if we can get enough people to listen to it.

-Jaya-

Some of you will remember when I first posted about John and Stasi Eldredge's book, Captivating, which spoke to my heart in such a way that I was absolutely enraptured with their ideas.

Whoops. 

As a reminder, the basic premise is that a woman has three major desires in her heart:

1. To be romanced/pursued
2. To be an essential part of a grand adventure
3. To unveil her Beauty, to be Beautiful

These three desires can be summed up in the simple Question, "Am I lovely?"  And the only answer to this question can be found in God.

So far, so good - I can definitely say that I have a desire for all three of those things, and I can see how the Question sums up at least 2 of them (though I fail to see how being part of a grand adventure has anything to do with being lovely).  And I definitely agree that the best way to answer the desires of one's heart is to look to God.

So, I finally got around to reading that Austenland book that I got for my birthday.  It was a really short, easy read - just what I needed.  Slightly under 200 pages of fluffy chick lit only takes me a couple of hours to read, as evidenced by the fact that I started it as I was waiting for the bus this morning, read it between classes, and finished it on the bus ride home - so it's not like this was a huge time commitment or anything. 

Any of you who know me will understand why Austenland was the perfect fit for my tastes.  The basic premise is that a woman, a bit too obsessed with the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice (and, more importantly, COLIN FIRTH as Mr. Darcy!), is sent to a vacation resort in England known as Pembrook Park - Austenland.  Here she hopes to cure herself of this obsession that is ruining every relationship she has, and to get over Mr. Darcy once and for all.  Now, of course this is chick lit.  In this perfect world, she doesn't actually have to get over Mr. Darcy, because along he comes, complete with bad attitude and botched first proposal.  And yet, somehow, I'm on the edge of my seat throughout the whole book, wondering whether Mr. Darcy will wind up being Mr. Darcy after all, or whether he's actually a Mr. Willoughby or Mr. Wickham in disguise.  For, you know, one never can quite tell with these men.  That's part of the fun of it.

That being said, this book was so much fun!  I certainly wouldn't rate it anywhere near the perfection of Pride and Prejudice or even Jane Eyre - it's not masterful in that sense and isn't meant to be - but it's so adorable, and so easy for me to get into.  While Jane (the MC) initially resists the whole world of Pembrook Park (something I would never do - were I to find myself inexplicably flung back to Regency England, I am not likely to question my great fortune - on the contrary, I would immerse myself as fully in the experience as soon as I was able!), she and I have a lot in common.  Oh, except the ten million ruined relationships in her past.  I only have 2 of those, and neither had anything to do with Darcy.  But besides that, I can completely sympathize with her surreptitious adoration of the DVD, her frustration with her inability to get over a fictional character, and especially the comment she made that ran something along the lines of "All you have to do to explain this to a woman is say 'Colin Firth in a wet shirt' and she gets it right away."  That made me laugh out loud... in the middle of the hallway between classes.  Good freaking times.  It must have been hilarious to watch me read it, because I couldn't sit still, I was so excited, and I was always gasping or smiling or flipping back to make sure that Mr. Nobley had really said what I thought he said... and I was so engrossed that I shudder to think what might have happened if the building had caught fire - I might not have noticed.  Some people have this internal clock they can set so that they wake up after so many hours of sleep without the help of an alarm clock.  I have a clock that I can set so that I stop reading when I have to go do something else without the help of an alarm clock - but I'm immune to interruption until then.  Or, at least, mostly. :)

So, I think, provided that Troy is actually doing his boy's night tonight or whatever he had planned and Dana won't mind that I don't much want to watch scary movies tonight, I'm going to make myself a pot of tea, maybe some tea sandwiches for dinner, and curl up with Colin Firth - I mean, Pride and Prejudice - and dream.

I feel like I accomplished a lot today, even if I really didn't do much.  I got my blood drawn at Hartshorne for all those tests Mom wanted to run, which wasn't particularly exciting.  But it was also quite possibly the least painful draw I've ever had, which is good, because I HATE getting my blood drawn.  I told the nurse I tend to get lightheaded when poked with sharp objects, so she had me lay down, which was good, because that's always easier.  And she was very quick and efficient about it.  Not like some people in the past who have poked and prodded and jabbed about because they couldn't find a vein.  *shudder*  She was just in, ouch, and that was it until she pulled it back out, which again didn't hurt much.  And of course I wasn't stupid enough to watch.  So I didn't get terribly lightheaded, and I got some juice at the end of it just in case.  So that could have been way worse. 

And, Marvin agreed to be my committee member, so that's a huge weight off my mind.  I can finally get that stupid thesis proposal turned in and out of my hair.  Thank heavens.   Of course, no meeting with Marvin is ever short, so I spent like an hour and change in his office talking about it, which is cool on some levels but I really wanted to go home... he's the sort that will challenge you to actually think about what you're saying, though, which is really cool.  I may not agree with him politically on everything, but he is the sort that will actually leave his politics at the classroom door, rather than give a speech about it, and he challenges you to think about what you're saying and doing in a way that most teachers just don't.  The general consensus in the English department is (and I agree) that Marvin is the hardest teacher in the department - a B in his class is worth an A anywhere else - but he's also one of the best teachers, precisely because he is so difficult, and he forces you to learn (whether you like it or not).  Besides, who could hate a guy with mutton chops and a waistcoat?  Nope, Marvin is awesome.

So that's all good, but that's really all I did today apart from going to class.  Oh, and I guess I did that assignment for GRs about the temple (such as it is - it's not like Sophia ever had a temple in which she was worshipped so I wound up doing Hagia Sophia in Istanbul since it's sort of close).  That was nothing, though.  But man, I feel like I got so much done!  What the heck?  That seems kind of lame, feeling like I accomplished more than I actually did.  BOO.  Oh well, I guess there's always tomorrow - though tomorrow is the first of the Arizona meetings.  I'm glad I decided to go.  I was kind of torn about it, but it just wouldn't be Spring Break without Arizona.  Though this year Spring Break is also Holy Week, which will be weird, and we have to decide whether we're staying in AZ for Easter or coming back the night before.  I'd have no problem with staying and celebrating Easter with the Navajo - that sounds like it would be really fun!  But we'll see what happens.

And I think that's all the news from here.  I bet you were all getting sick of my arguing posts anyway. ;)

-Jaya-

I was bored with the reading for class today, so I thought I'd skip ahead to the Sophia stuff.  And within that, I found an all-too-common assumption about the early Jewish culture.  The assumption is that Jews were patriarchal, therefore, their God reflected those patriarchal values.  It is as though the culture came first, and then God developed from that.  But if all the cultures around them were distinctly different, especially if they were matricentric as is argued in my GRs class, it makes no sense that the Jewish people would randomly develop into a patriarchal society for absolutely no reason, and then create a God from that.

What makes more sense, to me, is that the Jewish culture was and is "patriarchal" (though without the evil connotations that word has accrued in some circumstances - there is nothing wrong with competent male leadership and you can see yesterday's entry if you want more) because they were a closer reflection of how God wants his people to live.  In other words, the patriarchal values of the Jews reflected  their God.

Now, you have to be careful when speaking of this sort of thing, because patriarchy has taken on such negative connotations.  However, as I've read more, I'm beginning to understand that, in fact, masculine leadership tends to be more beneficial for everyone, including women. This is not to say that all leaders must be male.  However, good leaders will all employ tactics which are traditionally considered "masculine" (and yes, much of this comes from having read Why Men Hate Going to Church yesterday - it's on my mind), and those benefit both men and women.  People need to be challenged, especially men, and sometimes they need to be thrown to the wolves because they're ready, even if they don't think they are.  Traditionally, the masculine leaders are the ones who are willing to do this, whereas the feminine leaders are more likely to comfort and coddle. While that has its place, this constant emphasis on not hurting anyone's feelings and protecting everyone to the extent that no one can grow is hurting everyone.

Just something to think about.

-Jaya-